Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Celebrating #2

The second class in this course was held on Wednesday, September 26, 2007. Last week I was not in the ‘mood’ for celebrating and vowed to work on shifting my perspective over the week. I was able to really focus on the good things or the blessings of my life rather than the frustrations. Every time I started to feel defeated or frustrated about the things that just weren’t quite going the way I thought they should I reminded myself that my family is healthy and happy, that certainly things could be much, much worse and ‘coached’ myself back into moving forward rather than focusing on those things that drag me down.

As it turns out this week I feel quite celebratory. There have been some things this week that have occurred in my family that are quite the cause for celebration. I have found that in spite of the frustrations of our cross-country move my children are incredibly well-adjusted and actually happier than I have seen them in years. My husband is more relaxed and happy with the change that has occurred in his work as a result of our move. So even though some of the practical ‘settling in’ things aren’t coming together my family is happy and united and that is the most important thing to me.

The class today was around how we will celebrate with our clients. Karen did some ‘role plays’ that would help us to know how to celebrate with our clients when they have successes. Ask the clients “How can we celebrate this accomplishment?” If the client has something tangible ask them to send it, share it…a picture, a writing that they have done or an invitation to an ‘opening’.

The second role play was a situation that the client didn’t accomplish what it was that they set out to accomplish. Celebration is always in order. How do we celebrate with a client who hasn’t reached the ‘goal’? We celebrate the effort, the values, the showing up just to say that they didn’t accomplish the goal. We need to look for the things that can be acknowledged and celebrated at every session. It is empowering and encouraging for the client when they can focus on what they have done rather than where they failed.

I think I used acknowledgement a lot in my sessions. I’m going to work at taking that to the next level and actually turning that acknowledgement into a form of celebration with my clients.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Celebrating #1

The first class of this course was held on Wednesday, September 19, 2007. I have to say that I’m not in a “celebration” mood and frustrated that I was not open to celebrating with all the people in class. It has been bad week and stressful 3 months for me and I am having a hard time engaging in anything that would be cause for celebration.

One thing that was brought up as a tool for celebration is a “joy journal” – a structure to help people focus on the things in their life that they can celebrate.

One person shared that at one point when she was feeling really down and discouraged and wanting to give up she stopped and wrote down what she had done and tried to focus on the positive. I know that this is what I should do right now because I know that I am focused on what isn’t going according to plan rather than what has gone well or where things are better.

Another way of using celebrating in coaching is to have a celebration session. Taking one session, maybe after 12 weeks, to reflect on what the client has accomplished over the 12 weeks. Possibly type up the session notes in such a way that shows what they want to accomplish and how and where they accomplished it – and celebrate it.

This was actually a very powerful class for me today. I really came into the class in a ‘bad’ place and as I listened to others in class talk about different ways of celebrating and about having an attitude of celebration - how even failure can be reason for celebration. I don’t know that I will walk away today with renewed hope or continue to feel defeated but I can see that it is something for me to contemplate this week.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Powerful Requests #2

I took the second class to this course on Monday, September 17, 2007. I was moving across country during the second class and lost cell phone service. I have felt very incomplete because I like to take the classes for each course all at once and not have such a huge gap in between. After so much time elapsing I’m glad to get this course completed.

With the discussion being on Powerful Requests someone brought up what is different about a powerful request instead of just asking them to do something. Some things that came up were that they are challenged to go outside of their comfort zone and initiate change or it might uncover a fear or something that is blocking them from moving forward.

Someone on the class brought up how this can be used in group coaching. Karen shared that she has used this in group coaching both geared toward an individual or as a group. As long as the coach is clear that they can either accept it, say no or make a counter offer. First, as a coach, we should ask if everyone feels comfortable doing this thing this week and then ask if anyone would want to ‘customize’ the request for their situation.

In my coaching practice I think that I use powerful requests. I try to find the ‘action’ or ‘request’ that pushes the client to move a step beyond where they were at the beginning of the coaching call. Personally I think I need to make a powerful request of myself to work on my Research Paper. I have not done a research paper in so long that I’m almost paralyzed to know where to start. I need to figure out how I am going to move through that.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Empowering #3

The third and final class in this course was held on Thursday, September 13, 2007. As expected we were to engage in some coaching practice around ‘empowering’. The person who volunteered to be the client was dealing with a situation where they were having trouble at work – sort of a third wheel, animosity type issue. The coach did a good job listening to the client and gave a suggestion about calling a meeting with her team, a little while later she suggested not being a part of a team. I think it was difficult to ask questions around this but may she could have tried “What have you tried to resolve this issue?” “What are other options for a solution?” “What do you desire in the long run for your business?” I don’t like to have a critical attitude of the coaching sessions but I felt the coach gave too many suggestions. The coach eventually got back to asking what the client could do in the next week to look towards changing her circumstances. She also encouraged her and empowered her that she doesn’t have to “buy into the drama”. She summed up the session by asking her what she took away from the session.

The observers saw some good things…being present, acknowledging the client, helping her shift her perspective, helping her get in touch with what it would feel like to ‘do’ something else, taking her into action and overall empowering her.

As I think about ‘empowering’ my clients I hope that I do. The women that I coach often times feel powerless as a result of the breakdown in the marriage. My desire is that I am able to help them see that they are not powerless and help them to discover ways that they can be empowered through the own identity in Christ and gifts and talents that they possess.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Structures #3

The third and final class in the Structures course was held on Wednesday, September 12, 2007. Since it is the last class I expected that Karen would have us do some coaching in class. The first coaching session was about a person that was thing to cut some things out of her life, wanting to slow down and get away from the hecticness. As it turned out it was more about cultural connection and needing to stay socially connected with her friends when she moves. The structure that she came up with was that she needed to make sure she had times on her calendar when she could get together with other women of her culture regularly. The coach was able to get her talking therefore she was able to come up with some thoughts about what she could do. The coach did a great job of getting her to commit to making a plan.

Karen shared some ways that she uses structures in coaching. Values clarifications assessment, does the decision they are making line up with what they say their values are. I really like this structure!!! As a coach listening for these values and acknowledging them when they are fitting into that and challenging them or helping them see if their decision doesn’t align.

A coaching model is a structure. I use my coaching model while I coach. I’m sure that I don’t hit on every single aspect in ever session but I use it as a guide to keep me focused on moving forward in the coaching relationship and staying well-rounded in my overall coaching role.

Karen also shared self-care as a structure for the coach. That we go into a session ready to engage the client…hydrated, rested, spiritually balanced and emotionally stable and present. I think this is one that I do naturally just because this is who I am. I know for some people who may have a more hectic life (another job or family issues) they may not always be very together. I am at a place in life that I have lived through intense crisis and even if my life isn’t going great I am able to keep it in perspective and function pretty much the same. Admittedly I’ve not always been grounded enough for that but I feel I am now.

I think the biggest thing that I take away from this class is the values assessment. I think on a subconscious level I am aware of general values and belief systems but really focusing in on whether the client is acting within their own belief system is something I plan to give more attention to.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Truth Telling #2

The second class in this course was held on Thursday, September 06, 2007. Joanne started the class by sharing a reading about ‘truth’. As she was reading it I found that not only did the author struggle with wanting truth to reign in her life but that she struggled with ‘co-dependency’. I know this is a very clinical or therapeutic term but this is what I deal with my clients on a regular basis. Most of the women that I work with push aside what is truth in order to keep others ‘happy’ or ‘keep the peace’.

The conversation went back to what truth is. Many people think that not telling someone something is not being truthful. Some people have a more gray view of truth. I can remember when I was in college this was such a controversial issue about what truth is….the conversation today was very much along those lines. Even though I think that the idea of truth is actually very narrow it makes people uncomfortable so they try to stretch the idea of truth to fit their own needs.

For me, as a coach or in life in general, truth is an asset. No one benefits from being lied to, ego stroked, or not told what is right in front of them. We can all tell ourselves whatever we want to believe or whatever feels good at the time but it doesn’t change what really is.

Empowering #2

The second class in this course was held on Thursday, September 06, 2007. The focus of the class was on how we can empower or enthuse our clients. There were so any different things brought up. One thing that Joanne brought up was sometimes using a blunt somewhat humorous approach. Sometimes this can help people take themselves less seriously. If our relationship with the client is good I think that this can be effective. Sometimes we need others to keep things, or our view of our self, in perspective. Also, using honesty in this way to say, “I don’t mind sitting with you every week but until you decide you’re ready to take action we are going to be in the same place” can be very effective. Someone else brought up using visualization to help the client see what it might be like ‘if’. I think this would be an effective way to empower a client because it helps them see why they are working toward what they are. Rewards for certain achievements can empower and motivate our clients as well. The reward should fit the achievement and be worth there effort. As a coach I think I will look for what it is that works for each client. We as individuals are all motivated by different things and it is a role of the coach to help the client find what motivates them and how they can use those things to help them accomplish the things that are important to them.