Friday, December 29, 2006

Respect vs. Invalidation

Respect vs. Invalidation

I took this power tool class on Thursday, November 9, 2006 and Thursday, November 16, 2006. In defining respect we found that it involved attitude. My thoughts about respect were always focused on others. This course gave me a chance to evaluate how I show respect for myself. As I did this I saw how far I have come from days long ago when I did not have much respect for myself. Respect is having a high regard for someone or self which in turn shapes our attitude toward that person or self. Invalidation is showing no value. I was convicted about the subtle ways in which I may invalidate people, especially my family. Words that may be a bit biting rather than encouraging, smirking or eye rolling when I may not even realize it. It made me more aware to pause before I made a judgment about something someone else may say or do. When I saw the title of this course I didn’t think it would be so focused on boundaries but it is clear that this is a way that we respect ourselves.

I also really liked the way that Standards and Boundaries were defined so simply in this class. Standards are for me and boundaries are for others. My whole coaching practice is based on helping others set and hold boundaries. I will definitely be able to use this simple way of defining the difference for my clients. I will also be able to help them see that respect for themselves has great value and is part of boundary setting. I will be able to help them see ways that they may invalidate loved ones. I see often how when resentment builds and anger boils under the surface and feelings are not dealt with in these relationships that my clients tend to invalidate. I don’t think I saw it as invalidating before but rather venting frustration or anger. I am trying to guide them towards dealing with their anger in a healthier way and to not invalidate their spouse but rather get in touch with what the real issue is.

A Little Behind the Game

I am about half way through my peer coaching sessions and my coach let me on a little secret…I am supposed to be journaling about my classes in order to prepare for my self-assessment. I am glad to have found out about this sooner than she did as she is scrambling to get all her experience written down. I am going to try to ‘catch up’ over the next two weeks before I start taking classes again after the New Year.

One of the first classes I took was the Power Tools class - Responding vs. Reacting. I took the two courses on Monday, October 30, 2006 and Monday, November 6, 2006. I found this to be a great class to hurtle me into the coaching world. As we discussed responding vs. reacting I was encouraged by such a small revelation. When I started to evaluate my own life and look at whether I respond more or react more I was encouraged to realize that most often I responded responsibly to situations. I was also able to realize that I would much rather be a responder than a reactor. When looking at the character qualities that define responding and comparing them to character qualities of one who reacts from an emotion place it solidified my resolve to want to respond responsibility.

I was also encouraged as I used this basic tool in my coaching sessions. Even the simple use of the word RESPOND evoked a more responsible outlook and focus to the situation that was occurring. I will be able to use the concept of responding vs. reacting often in my coaching sessions as it can be directly related to perspective, but that will be a later entry. In general people want to develop good character qualities and when they evaluate the difference between responding and reacting they like the person they see when they look at responding responsibly rather than reacting out of emotion.