Respect vs. Invalidation

Respect vs. Invalidation

I took this power tool class on Thursday, November 9, 2006 and Thursday, November 16, 2006. In defining respect we found that it involved attitude. My thoughts about respect were always focused on others. This course gave me a chance to evaluate how I show respect for myself. As I did this I saw how far I have come from days long ago when I did not have much respect for myself. Respect is having a high regard for someone or self which in turn shapes our attitude toward that person or self. Invalidation is showing no value. I was convicted about the subtle ways in which I may invalidate people, especially my family. Words that may be a bit biting rather than encouraging, smirking or eye rolling when I may not even realize it. It made me more aware to pause before I made a judgment about something someone else may say or do. When I saw the title of this course I didn’t think it would be so focused on boundaries but it is clear that this is a way that we respect ourselves.

I also really liked the way that Standards and Boundaries were defined so simply in this class. Standards are for me and boundaries are for others. My whole coaching practice is based on helping others set and hold boundaries. I will definitely be able to use this simple way of defining the difference for my clients. I will also be able to help them see that respect for themselves has great value and is part of boundary setting. I will be able to help them see ways that they may invalidate loved ones. I see often how when resentment builds and anger boils under the surface and feelings are not dealt with in these relationships that my clients tend to invalidate. I don’t think I saw it as invalidating before but rather venting frustration or anger. I am trying to guide them towards dealing with their anger in a healthier way and to not invalidate their spouse but rather get in touch with what the real issue is.