Responsibility vs. Blame #2

At the beginning of class the topic of the difference between guilt and shame as it is related to Responsibility vs. Blame came up. It was interesting to think about how feeling shame can make us hide behind blaming. I think it is a good concept to keep in mind as related to our clients. Very often people who are hurt by someone at a deep level feel so ashamed that they ‘allowed’ it to happen to them that they blame them rather than take responsibility for what they choose to do with that hurt.

This class held Wednesday, February 14, 2007 got deep about to what extent one can accept responsibility….children, victims, etc… I feel that the question is really what to we do with what has happened. Some times in life things happen to us that we really don’t have control over…our responsibility is what we do with our circumstances.

I was a little disturbed that the consensus of the class seemed to be that we can never say that something is the fault of someone else. If a person hits you with a car, if a person abused you in some way, parents divorce when you are a child, someone steals something that is yours…these are things that you can blame others for. We don’t ask to get hit by a car or abused by someone etc. I feel it is ok to assign blame to someone but what we do with that is our responsibility. We need to move past blaming into action of what are we going to do with what happen to us.

How does forgiveness play into this? Forgive does not release or endorse the offender it is for you. I agree with this 100%. This is what my husband and I teach in our couple’s conference. Forgiving is NOT forgetting, but it is healing for self.