Responsibility vs. Blame #1

The first class of this course was held on Wednesday, February 07, 2007. The point of this power tool is to help clients be aware that happiness comes from them and not to them.

We began by defining Responsibility: ability to respond, accepting, having an important role, empowering (world is open to them), ownership, obligation with power in the responsibility, making choices, freedom. There is a difference between having a responsibility (obligation) and being responsible.

The reading material says, “When we choose to take responsibility, we choose freedom.” This means that we are in the driver’s seat, in control, not a victim, the one who can take action.

We then defined Blame: ability to react, victim, powerless, boo-hoo-hoo, anger, denial, denying your options.

The reading says, “When we choose to blame, we choose burden.” This means not having the freedom to do what action needs to be done, trapped with other people who do the same “blame clubs”.
People blame because it gives them a false sense of power. They blame because they want acknowledgment of feelings. Blame is a way for people to try and make sense of things that have happened to them. People blame out of fear of the truth or fear of their own inadequacies.

What do we do when people do things to us (abuse, accidents, betrayal etc.)? The goal is to grow and move forward despite what we face.

Blaming is about judging and looks backward. Responsibility is about understanding and looks forward.

I think this is valuable when working with clients in my niche because these women did not ask for their husbands to be unfaithful. They can choose to sit in blame and unhappiness or they can choose to take responsibility for where they go from here and what they do with what has happened in their marriage.