rebeccawever

Community of Practice

2008-01-21T13:05:00.001-08:00

Today and one day last week I sat in on a couple of Community of Practice sessions of other disciplines - Career and Business. I wanted to experience other types of coaching to get a feel for how they may be the same or different from Life Coaching. I still want to sit in on a Spiritual one as well, although I find myself geared toward Life Coaching as my focus.

Both COP had wonderfully executed coaching sessions and although I have done a fair amount of coaching I found myself a bit self-conscious. What stood out the most to me in listening in on these coaching sessions is that the 'process' of coaching is the same no matter what area you find you coach most. I'm not sure why I am intimidated to coach 'business' as opposed to 'life' - it is really the same.

Anyway, I have 7 more COP's to attend and even though I have seen that they are all the same in process we'll see if I am willing to be vocal in the other COP's. I guess I should challenge myself to be actively involved in another COP. I'll let you know how that one turns out.

2008 Update

2008-01-16T16:39:00.000-08:00

Wow how time flies by! I finished up all my class work in the fall but I failed to register for Supervised Coach and therefore was not able to graduate in December. This actually worked out well for me as my family relocated from the west coast to the east coast. We are finally settled and I feel focused on completing the remaining tasks for Graduation. I have 9 practicum, one outside client assessment, Supervised Coach, self-assessment and the log of classes to turn at the end of it all. I have gotten approval for the Coaching Model and Power Tool. I just turned in the written exam minutes before this blog entry.

I have been coaching regularly. Currently I have three clients. With three children (two school aged and one pre-schooler) I find that this is enough clients for the time being. I am enjoying the coaching relationships I have and feel like I keep getting more comfortable and confident.

I will resume some blogging around the practicums and supervised coaching classes in the coming weeks.

I hope all you fellow ICA students are finding yourselves renewed in the new year as well and accomplishing your coaching goals.

Accountability 1 & 2

2007-10-03T18:11:00.000-07:00

The first class in this course was held on Wednesday, September 26, 2007. I am excited to start and finish this course because it is my last class aside from the Community of Practice and Supervised Coach.

Accountability means doing what we say we are going to do, commitment and reliability, being able to answer for your actions or lack of action. Accountability often times includes another person whereas responsibility is more about ourselves. Accountability is linked to expectation. There is usually a set of ‘rules’ by which one is being accountable for or conditions that have been set.

We spent a lot of time discussing the difference between accountability and responsibility. I have to admit I was losing a little bit of interest as the debate kept going for so long.

The second class was held on Wednesday, October 03, 2007. Someone brought up the question of how to help your clients keep themselves accountable. One idea was to reframe the question by asking what structures they can put into place to support themselves.

I found it interesting that someone shared that she got coaching around an issue and the coach gave her such a huge mountain to climb that she felt defeated before she even started and basically sabotaged herself. I think as a coach we have to be careful not to overwhelm our clients – we need to remember that coaching is a process and that the way to reach the big goal is through smaller steps and successes.

Someone in the class brought up the idea that asking “Why” is not ok in coaching. Angela thought this was not a black and white idea, rather that “Why” can be a probing question. It can move a person to what they are trying to get to. As she was talking I was thinking of other ways to get to the point of the ‘why’ by asking ‘what’ questions and interestingly enough someone else in the class said the exact same thing - that rather than saying “Why?” trying to ask a question that gets to that essence of the issue through a “WHAT” question.

I have not paid that much attention to whether or not I use “Why” questions with my clients and I’m going to try to be more aware of that and be careful not to disempower them by that sort of question.

Celebrating #2

2007-09-26T11:27:00.000-07:00

The second class in this course was held on Wednesday, September 26, 2007. Last week I was not in the ‘mood’ for celebrating and vowed to work on shifting my perspective over the week. I was able to really focus on the good things or the blessings of my life rather than the frustrations. Every time I started to feel defeated or frustrated about the things that just weren’t quite going the way I thought they should I reminded myself that my family is healthy and happy, that certainly things could be much, much worse and ‘coached’ myself back into moving forward rather than focusing on those things that drag me down.

As it turns out this week I feel quite celebratory. There have been some things this week that have occurred in my family that are quite the cause for celebration. I have found that in spite of the frustrations of our cross-country move my children are incredibly well-adjusted and actually happier than I have seen them in years. My husband is more relaxed and happy with the change that has occurred in his work as a result of our move. So even though some of the practical ‘settling in’ things aren’t coming together my family is happy and united and that is the most important thing to me.

The class today was around how we will celebrate with our clients. Karen did some ‘role plays’ that would help us to know how to celebrate with our clients when they have successes. Ask the clients “How can we celebrate this accomplishment?” If the client has something tangible ask them to send it, share it…a picture, a writing that they have done or an invitation to an ‘opening’.

The second role play was a situation that the client didn’t accomplish what it was that they set out to accomplish. Celebration is always in order. How do we celebrate with a client who hasn’t reached the ‘goal’? We celebrate the effort, the values, the showing up just to say that they didn’t accomplish the goal. We need to look for the things that can be acknowledged and celebrated at every session. It is empowering and encouraging for the client when they can focus on what they have done rather than where they failed.

I think I used acknowledgement a lot in my sessions. I’m going to work at taking that to the next level and actually turning that acknowledgement into a form of celebration with my clients.

Celebrating #1

2007-09-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

The first class of this course was held on Wednesday, September 19, 2007. I have to say that I’m not in a “celebration” mood and frustrated that I was not open to celebrating with all the people in class. It has been bad week and stressful 3 months for me and I am having a hard time engaging in anything that would be cause for celebration.

One thing that was brought up as a tool for celebration is a “joy journal” – a structure to help people focus on the things in their life that they can celebrate.

One person shared that at one point when she was feeling really down and discouraged and wanting to give up she stopped and wrote down what she had done and tried to focus on the positive. I know that this is what I should do right now because I know that I am focused on what isn’t going according to plan rather than what has gone well or where things are better.

Another way of using celebrating in coaching is to have a celebration session. Taking one session, maybe after 12 weeks, to reflect on what the client has accomplished over the 12 weeks. Possibly type up the session notes in such a way that shows what they want to accomplish and how and where they accomplished it – and celebrate it.

This was actually a very powerful class for me today. I really came into the class in a ‘bad’ place and as I listened to others in class talk about different ways of celebrating and about having an attitude of celebration - how even failure can be reason for celebration. I don’t know that I will walk away today with renewed hope or continue to feel defeated but I can see that it is something for me to contemplate this week.

Powerful Requests #2

2007-09-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

I took the second class to this course on Monday, September 17, 2007. I was moving across country during the second class and lost cell phone service. I have felt very incomplete because I like to take the classes for each course all at once and not have such a huge gap in between. After so much time elapsing I’m glad to get this course completed.

With the discussion being on Powerful Requests someone brought up what is different about a powerful request instead of just asking them to do something. Some things that came up were that they are challenged to go outside of their comfort zone and initiate change or it might uncover a fear or something that is blocking them from moving forward.

Someone on the class brought up how this can be used in group coaching. Karen shared that she has used this in group coaching both geared toward an individual or as a group. As long as the coach is clear that they can either accept it, say no or make a counter offer. First, as a coach, we should ask if everyone feels comfortable doing this thing this week and then ask if anyone would want to ‘customize’ the request for their situation.

In my coaching practice I think that I use powerful requests. I try to find the ‘action’ or ‘request’ that pushes the client to move a step beyond where they were at the beginning of the coaching call. Personally I think I need to make a powerful request of myself to work on my Research Paper. I have not done a research paper in so long that I’m almost paralyzed to know where to start. I need to figure out how I am going to move through that.

Empowering #3

2007-09-13T12:50:00.000-07:00

The third and final class in this course was held on Thursday, September 13, 2007. As expected we were to engage in some coaching practice around ‘empowering’. The person who volunteered to be the client was dealing with a situation where they were having trouble at work – sort of a third wheel, animosity type issue. The coach did a good job listening to the client and gave a suggestion about calling a meeting with her team, a little while later she suggested not being a part of a team. I think it was difficult to ask questions around this but may she could have tried “What have you tried to resolve this issue?” “What are other options for a solution?” “What do you desire in the long run for your business?” I don’t like to have a critical attitude of the coaching sessions but I felt the coach gave too many suggestions. The coach eventually got back to asking what the client could do in the next week to look towards changing her circumstances. She also encouraged her and empowered her that she doesn’t have to “buy into the drama”. She summed up the session by asking her what she took away from the session.

The observers saw some good things…being present, acknowledging the client, helping her shift her perspective, helping her get in touch with what it would feel like to ‘do’ something else, taking her into action and overall empowering her.

As I think about ‘empowering’ my clients I hope that I do. The women that I coach often times feel powerless as a result of the breakdown in the marriage. My desire is that I am able to help them see that they are not powerless and help them to discover ways that they can be empowered through the own identity in Christ and gifts and talents that they possess.

Structures #3

2007-09-12T13:21:00.001-07:00

The third and final class in the Structures course was held on Wednesday, September 12, 2007. Since it is the last class I expected that Karen would have us do some coaching in class. The first coaching session was about a person that was thing to cut some things out of her life, wanting to slow down and get away from the hecticness. As it turned out it was more about cultural connection and needing to stay socially connected with her friends when she moves. The structure that she came up with was that she needed to make sure she had times on her calendar when she could get together with other women of her culture regularly. The coach was able to get her talking therefore she was able to come up with some thoughts about what she could do. The coach did a great job of getting her to commit to making a plan.

Karen shared some ways that she uses structures in coaching. Values clarifications assessment, does the decision they are making line up with what they say their values are. I really like this structure!!! As a coach listening for these values and acknowledging them when they are fitting into that and challenging them or helping them see if their decision doesn’t align.

A coaching model is a structure. I use my coaching model while I coach. I’m sure that I don’t hit on every single aspect in ever session but I use it as a guide to keep me focused on moving forward in the coaching relationship and staying well-rounded in my overall coaching role.

Karen also shared self-care as a structure for the coach. That we go into a session ready to engage the client…hydrated, rested, spiritually balanced and emotionally stable and present. I think this is one that I do naturally just because this is who I am. I know for some people who may have a more hectic life (another job or family issues) they may not always be very together. I am at a place in life that I have lived through intense crisis and even if my life isn’t going great I am able to keep it in perspective and function pretty much the same. Admittedly I’ve not always been grounded enough for that but I feel I am now.

I think the biggest thing that I take away from this class is the values assessment. I think on a subconscious level I am aware of general values and belief systems but really focusing in on whether the client is acting within their own belief system is something I plan to give more attention to.

Truth Telling #2

2007-09-06T13:49:00.000-07:00

The second class in this course was held on Thursday, September 06, 2007. Joanne started the class by sharing a reading about ‘truth’. As she was reading it I found that not only did the author struggle with wanting truth to reign in her life but that she struggled with ‘co-dependency’. I know this is a very clinical or therapeutic term but this is what I deal with my clients on a regular basis. Most of the women that I work with push aside what is truth in order to keep others ‘happy’ or ‘keep the peace’.

The conversation went back to what truth is. Many people think that not telling someone something is not being truthful. Some people have a more gray view of truth. I can remember when I was in college this was such a controversial issue about what truth is….the conversation today was very much along those lines. Even though I think that the idea of truth is actually very narrow it makes people uncomfortable so they try to stretch the idea of truth to fit their own needs.

For me, as a coach or in life in general, truth is an asset. No one benefits from being lied to, ego stroked, or not told what is right in front of them. We can all tell ourselves whatever we want to believe or whatever feels good at the time but it doesn’t change what really is.

Empowering #2

2007-09-06T12:57:00.000-07:00

The second class in this course was held on Thursday, September 06, 2007. The focus of the class was on how we can empower or enthuse our clients. There were so any different things brought up. One thing that Joanne brought up was sometimes using a blunt somewhat humorous approach. Sometimes this can help people take themselves less seriously. If our relationship with the client is good I think that this can be effective. Sometimes we need others to keep things, or our view of our self, in perspective. Also, using honesty in this way to say, “I don’t mind sitting with you every week but until you decide you’re ready to take action we are going to be in the same place” can be very effective. Someone else brought up using visualization to help the client see what it might be like ‘if’. I think this would be an effective way to empower a client because it helps them see why they are working toward what they are. Rewards for certain achievements can empower and motivate our clients as well. The reward should fit the achievement and be worth there effort. As a coach I think I will look for what it is that works for each client. We as individuals are all motivated by different things and it is a role of the coach to help the client find what motivates them and how they can use those things to help them accomplish the things that are important to them.

Empowering #1

2007-08-30T14:07:00.002-07:00

The first class in this course was held on Thursday, August 30, 2007. The class was facilitated by a substitute. We began the class by introducing ourselves and sharing something that we do to empower ourselves in our coaching. Everyone shared great ideas from visualization to meditation. I shared how I try to remind myself that the session isn’t about me and how that opens me up to being more present for the client.

The coaching session may not be empowered if the client is not ‘coachable’. We might be able to tell if the client isn’t coachable if we sense resistance; the client is stuck in the past/they are just not ready yet; they are mandated to be their by a boss/spouse/parent or the client doesn’t take action. If we run into this situation, an uncoachable client, we can confront it head on…have the client write down what their expectations are or what they want to accomplish. We can also make a request of the client which could help them move through the ‘stagnant’ stage. We can asked them to define what they think coachability looks like and then to live those out in their daily life. We can also enthuse our client into coachability. Putting a vision out there to them and helping them to get excited about what it is they are working towards. We can enthuse by acknowledging our client and getting excited about them and what they are doing.

I was distracted at the end of class by my children and their homework assignments and getting them settled in after school. I missed the part where she talked about what we would be discussing next week or if we had any fieldwork.

Truth Telling #1

2007-08-30T14:07:00.001-07:00

The first class for this course was held on Thursday, August 30, 2007. I knew before this class even began that the concept of ‘absolute truth’ would come up. The concept that everyone’s ‘truth’ is different depending on their experiences. I feel this is more perception rather than truth – I do believe that there are things that are absolute, and that truth is based in fact.

The question was posed by the facilitator of what the difference is between truth and opinion. I think that what people sometimes view as their own ‘truth’ is actually their opinion.

Truth telling in coaching is about stating what is fact, “You did not do x when you said that you would.” When we as coaches use honesty rather than truth is may be a little more about how we feel about the situation. I don’t think that a coach should be too opinionated in the coaching session. Sometimes the client wants to know what you think and sometimes it can give a different perspective that the client may not have thought about. I try to be careful not to abuse the honor of sharing my opinion but use leading questions that can draw out another point of view.

Opinions can turn to judgments if we start to put our own thoughts or ideas on the client. When we try to get them to agree or we tell them what they ‘should’ do about it it becomes judgment.

I think it is important to let the client know that they can expect the truth from us and that we would like them to reciprocate by telling us the truth as well. We can convey this trough our websites, brochures and verbally during the trial session. We can convey it by doing it in the sessions and building a trust and rapport with them of being truthful.

Structures #1

2007-08-29T13:55:00.000-07:00

The first class in this course was held on Wednesday, August 29, 2007. I have had a long break from classes because of our cross-country move. I am anxious to get back into the classes and try to finish up the requirements for graduation in June. I was hoping to graduate in December but with our move I was not astute enough to realize I needed to register for the Supervised Coach class. I have worked through the disappointment of failing in this goal and have shifted my perspective to a realization that I now have some time to breathe as I accomplish the remaining requirements. I also had to step back and remind myself that when I began taking classes 10 months ago I slated myself to graduate in June 2008, so I am actually ‘right on track’. Is that a rationalization for my failure or shifting my perspective? Who knows but it works for me.

We started the class today by answering the question: What is a structure? Many things were thrown out…Boundaries, rules to follow, a support system, routines, habits, rituals, tools, assistants, discipline and accountability.

Examples of structures and what they support: walking regularly to get fit; having a coach to keep accountable; keeping a calendar to accomplish goals; routine to keep sane; dates with spouse to stay connected; going to church to stay connected with God and grow. I think we all have so many structures that we may not even have thought of as structures because they are so much a part of life.

We can also have structures that DO NOT support us. One person shared that they have set up a structure that they must work in their office…they don’t like their office and they actually get less done when they are there. I’m sure I have structures that may not support me as well and will be pondering this concept over the next week.

For next week we are to identify some empowering and disempowering structures in our own life. It will interesting and challenging to evaluate my own structures in this way.

Reframing #1

2007-07-27T06:40:00.001-07:00

The first class in this course was held on Thursday, July 19, 2007. I took this class as I drove across country and was unable to take notes as the class was in session. I actually think that in some ways I was better able to engage in the class when all I had was my ears. Not that I don’t get a lot out of the classes when I am sitting in my living room with my computer at my finger tips, but I was solely relying on listening.

As soon as we began to dive into the topic of reframing someone in the class asked for a clearer definition of what reframing is. Rather than just give us a word by word ‘definition’ Joanne engaged us in an exercise that we were then able to dialog about which gave us example of what reframing is about. The exercise was to think about something that was frustrating us at the moment and to then shift our perspective or reframe our thinking about that situation. There was a lot of really great sharing about what different students experienced with that for themselves as well as experiences that they have seen their clients have with this. It really is such a basic ‘common sense’ concept but so often difficult to do when one is caught up in the struggle and emotional about it.

Our homework for this week was a piggy back off of this exercise. We were to again think about this frustration that we were having, define what our perspective is about it, reframe our perspective and then take an action toward that reframe and be ready to share it next week. For me it was easy to come up with a frustration because we are in the process of moving across country and there are a lot of added stressors that come with a big move. I have been frustrated with feeling “gouged” or ‘taken’ by everyone…like we can’t ever get a break and be the one that comes our ahead. From the buyers, to the realtor, the movers and the insurance company…they all dig their claws in and take all they can get. My perspective is that we never get to be the one to come our ahead, we always get the raw end of the deal. My reframe is that I get to have a great adventure and that in the long run we are the ones getting the best bargain by this move as a whole. My action step toward this reframe is to be focused on the end result and how fortunate we are to be able to make this extraordinary move that will ultimate be for the betterment of our family.

Powerful Requests #1

2007-07-18T17:46:00.000-07:00

The first class in this course was held on Wednesday, July 18, 2007. I was feeling overwhelmed at taking the class today because not only have I had a three week break from classes but I am also in the middle of a cross-country move. As I sit here taking my class I have four movers buzzing around extracting furniture from my home. I am excited about the new adventure that my family and I are embarking on but stressed out with the details and chaos of it all.

What makes a request powerful? It may have an element of stretching or challenging the client. It may mean stepping out of their comfort zone and take a risk. It moves the client into action rather than just talking about it. When a client moves into this area we as coaches need to hold the client accountable, checking in with them that they are moving forward. We can also acknowledge and enthuse them to keep them motivated and engaged in the challenge they are undergoing. We should also celebrate with them as they move through the smaller steps that they accomplish along their way to the big goal.

How can we help people to reflect on their experience to see what they have accomplished and get as much out of it as they can? Asking them to share what the experience was like for them, what happened as well as their reaction to it. Questions that we could ask to help the client really reflect and learn from the experience: “How did you feel about accomplishing that?” “Have you incurred any consequences or rewards because of this change?” “What assumptions did you make that empowered you and what assumptions did you make that hindered you?”

After Action Review – What were the actions? What did I learn? What could I do differently next time? Again this is a technique to look back at what the goal or challenge was and what was done and then what was learned in the situation.

Based on today’s class there is so much more to powerful requests that to just challenge the client into action…the more important part is to follow-up the challenge or ‘powerful request’ with an evaluation of sorts.

I feel like as a coach I do this quite well. I spend a good part of my coaching sessions going over what the client said they wanted to accomplish and reflecting on if they were able to do that and how they did it. The part that I need to improve on is the “What did you learn?” part.

UAC #2

2007-06-13T17:58:00.000-07:00

The second class in this course was held on Wednesday, June 13, 2007. We started the class discussing the different people that Jim recommended for reading in last weeks class: Robert Kegan and Albert Ellis. We moved into discussing Motivational Interviewing and how it plays into coaching. Jim took us through a model called Stages of Change Model. There were 7 stages: Pre-contemplation, Contemplation, Preparing to Take Action, Employ It, Fall of the Wagon, Maintenance (evidently I missed one). As a coach we come into play during the contemplation stage, the client has decided that they want this change in their life and they are looking for someone to help them with it. Motivational Interviewing comes in when they are having ambivalence toward the change that they say they want and we ask questions that lead them to seeing the benefits and drawbacks to what it is they want to change. As we ask these questions they will begin to focus on the reasons to change and therefore they will increase their motivation and decrease their resistance, without us telling them what they should do.

As I think about this concept and how I need to apply it to my own coaching style, I see that I don’t spend enough time weighing the different scenarios in my coaching sessions. I can remember a time when I did do that and would ask what the worst case scenario would be or what it would look like if a situation went a particular direction. I seem to have gotten away from that and want to move back into that more. As mentioned in an earlier blog, I had a couple coaching sessions that I got off the phone feeling less than good about and I have been able to see some techniques I could have tried that may have helped the session go better.

Advanced Coaching Techniques #3

2007-06-13T11:58:00.000-07:00

The last class for this course was held on Wednesday, June 13, 2007. We had a fill-in facilitator for this final class so we began by recapping the last two classes and what we talked about. One thing that continues to ring true in all the classes is that we all have our own style and techniques and that if we have confidence we can bring our own flavor and approach to the session, we can draw on the things that we have learned (techniques and tools) and still have a successful coaching relationship.

Sheri brought up the “should” factor and how many times a client will come in and have a goal that they feel like they should do something and as the coach we can help them figure out if it is really what they really want.

The metaphor was brought up again about “putting your own mask on when on an airplane”, taking care of ourselves first so that we are able to help others. It is a great tool to be able to give the client a visual or word picture to help them understand a concept. I think this is an area that I could use more refining on. I don’t always think about creating a picture for the client in this way…I’m going to try this more and see if it can become a new tool for me to use in coaching sessions.

About half way through the class we experienced a coaching session. I appreciated that Sheri stressed the fact that this should be a positive and safe environment for people to experience coaching. I was not feeling very bold in offering to be the coach because I had two sessions yesterday that I felt went poorly; I was lacking confidence in today’s class.

The coaching session was about how the client could make her coaching business more visual. The session was a “laser” session, in essence short and sweet. The coach wrapped up the session by asking the client if she felt complete in the session. It was brought up that in supervised coaching and the ICF both look for this at the end of a session. I think this is another area that I need to be more conscious of. I often recap what the client is moving toward over the next week but maybe asking more specifically “What are you taking away from our session today” may be a good tactic to try implementing.

Moving Forward #3

2007-06-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

The last class for this course was held on Thursday, June 07, 2007. Being the last class we were focused on doing coaching around moving forward.

The coaching session was around moving the client toward getting an office. The client was very clear about why she wanted to get an office but found that she wasn’t moving in that direction. Her hesitation came from not knowing where to look, who to ask, and cost of an office. The client has moved to a new town and feels very insecure. The coach did a good job making sure that she had defined what she is looking for in an office, her ideal situation. The coach had asked her where the fear of rejection came from and hit it on the head that she had experienced that in her new country. She practiced psychology previous to moving and her degree is useless where she moved to, she is very discouraged. The coach then encouraged her to find a support group of coaches. As it turned out she had just that morning emailed a connection she had with a coach in Milan. The coached used a powerful question in the way of, “What could you try if you had no reservation?” She had an upcoming get together with some women that she sighted as a possibility. He challenged her to not only express her need (for an office) but also do a sample coaching session in order to help them understand. He encouraged her that it could be the start of a network. He ended by challenging her (or asking) for a deadline that she could set for herself by which to try these things.

The phone line was really poor ob this class and it was difficult to remain focused for the entire hour. I have to admit by the end of the class when people were sharing what they had learned in class to today I was watching the clock. I think that there are a lot of ways to help the client move forward: powerful questions, enthusing, powerful listening, setting goals, creating action, identifying UAC’s, raising awareness, holding client accountable, the list can go on and on. The key is to find what works for each client and also to identify what the roadblocks are for that client. The role of the coach is to help the client move forward and I think that all the things that we learn at ICA are focused around that aspect.

UAC #1

2007-06-06T17:57:00.000-07:00

The first class in this three class course was held on Wednesday, June 6, 2007. I have been looking forward to taking this course because although I feel like I understand what this concept is I wanted to hear some instruction around it to get a better grasp on it and what to do with it.

UAC’s are our judgments about ourselves and the world around us. Our belief system and the rules we live by. They could be formed by our upbringing, religious beliefs or things that we have been taught or experienced. It may be something that we may be unaware of but they are just there for whatever reason.

It is important to understand this as a coach because it helps us to get to the true feelings behind the words. By asking powerful questions you can help the client rethink their belief about something.

The conversation shifted to coaching versus counseling and it seemed like the class couldn’t move off this topic and get back to the topic of UAC’s. Kudos to Jim, he really kept trying to steer the discussion back to that and the class seemed really stuck on the differences between coaching and other roles.

I think that as a coach it is important to not try and fix someone’s UAC. It is ok to ask “Where do you think that belief came from? or “Why do you feel that way?” However, I think the job of the coach is to take the UAC and help the client learn how to use their UAC’s either to move forward or help them see how they have blocked them and how they can stop letting them stop them.

Advanced Coaching Techniques #2

2007-06-06T11:34:00.000-07:00

The second class for this course was held on Wednesday, June 06, 2007. We began with talking about the “wrong trap”. We discussed how we can move the client to the topic of the day without saying ‘What is wrong?’ Some different questions that we could ask instead are: “What would you like to achieve?” “How can I support you?” “What would you like to focus on today?” Along the same line we may encounter a client that doesn’t know what they want coaching on. What can we do with the client that doesn’t know what they want to coach on? A good question to ask is “What do you want more of?”

Defining the Opportunity – What more is there for the client…moving into creating. Sometimes people move toward things out of a sense of guilt. We as coaches need to be careful not to move the client forward in this way. What are other ways to move clients forward without using guilt? Enthusing the client into action or helping them create a goal, are a couple of ways we can do this.

Personal Basics – Self Care. We were asked to think of three things we have done for someone else, what came to my mind was: made husband lunch, took kids to the park, had the neighbor girl over to give her mom a break.
Then we were asked to list three things we have done for ourselves, I listed: started walking, cut my hair, eat healthier & drink more water.
There is a direct correlation between caring for ourselves and having the energy and focus we have for others. I have found this week that when I feel good and take care of myself I actually have more energy for others.

Self acknowledgement is also essential to self-care. We tend to shy away from it because we don’t want to become arrogant. Another aspect is asking for what we want. When we don’t express ourselves we can harbor resentment which serves nobody.

I felt good about today’s class. I feel like have implemented so much needed self-care into my life and I feel like I have a good grasp on these Advanced Coaching Techniques that we talked about in the first two of the three classes.

Community of Practice #1

2007-06-04T18:18:00.001-07:00

Today, Monday, June 04, 2007, I attended my first Community of Practice. I have to admit that I was nervous about being thrown into a coaching role on the first class and as it turned out there were volunteers ready and waiting. I know that at some point I will have to be both the client and the coach but I wanted to just see how the class went first. The class was basically the same as other classes that have mini coaching sessions within them.

The client today wanted coaching around striking a balance between disciplining her 7 year old daughter that held her value/principles and giving her daughter room for freedom. I see as I reiterate the situation that she really answered her own issue in the stating of the situation. The coach did a really good job of giving reflective feedback and empathizing and connecting with the client, bringing in things from his own life that mirrored what she was talking about. He worked his way through painting a picture of the family, each person’s role in the family, what the child was like, what the client tended to do in certain situations etc. He gently made suggestions about different things to try but did it in such a way that it was more of a question to the client than advice that she should follow. A good question that the coach asked was “What is a discipline issue and what is a being a child issue?” I thought this was a great question to help the client see that at some point she may be putting adult expectations on a child. Certain behaviors she described weren’t “naughty” rather she was just being 7. The coach also talked about a “Family Values (Mission) Statement”. I thought this was a good direction to go because it helps to identify what the expectations are for the family. He also suggested allowing the child to be a part of defining the Family Values Statement. This brought the session to the crux of the issue, giving the daughter room to spread her wings a little bit and make some decisions, in essence, giving the daughter responsibility and freedom to some degree, with parental controls (she is only 7 after all).

I probably would have gone a different direction with the coaching session. I would have asked questions around what she has already tried, what the relationship was like now, what she hoped the relationship would look like, etc.. I’m not sure if it would have ended up at the same conclusion or not. The client was clear at the beginning of the session that she wanted to walk away with an exercise, something that she could try. I think she knew what she needed to do from the beginning she just couldn’t see it until she went through the channels of processing.

I hope to take the next Community of Practice class on Monday…maybe I’ll volunteer for something…we’ll see!

Moving Forward #2

2007-05-31T16:51:00.000-07:00

The second class in this course was held on Thursday, May 31, 2007. Joanne shared a concept that is out there called a “Do It, Ditch It and Delegate It Day”. The idea is that clients call in and say what it is they need to do, ditch or delegate. Then they check back in after they have done this. It is a great concept about making decisions about what really serves your life. Sometimes we need to give up something in order to move forward. As I think about what I have had to give up in order to ‘move forward’ I think the biggest thing would be my own expectations. As a coach this is not something that people who want to reach goals would say we should give up but I was getting stuck in my own expectations instead of opening myself up to see what life had for me, or more specifically what God had for me. I found out that it was much greater than what I had for myself.

Start, Stop & Continue is another take on this concept. What do we need to stop doing? What do we need to start doing? What do we need to continue doing and move forward in? I think that this sort of self evaluation, either for ourselves or our clients, is valuable in the moving forward process.

We talked a lot about what motivates a person to move forward. Is it something that we gain (i.e. money, power or status) or is it something that is in our heart? Would we still want to accomplish x, y or z if there wasn’t anything tangible to gain from it? For me I think that the heart is the driving force behind why I start something. Coaching is an example of this. I wanted to fulfill a need that I heard from women over and over again. However, the rewards I receive (seeing someone have hope, money, etc.) all keep me motivated to stay the course. It also helps me to celebrate my accomplishments in small ways.

Peer Coaching #4

2007-05-30T14:55:00.000-07:00

The fourth and final class of this course was held on Wednesday, May 30, 2007. I was very excited to be completing this course. It seems like one of those that just go’s on and on, probably because the classes are so spread out. I have been contemplating my research paper and I am hoping that the topic will be brought up in this last class. According to the info under the Graduation requirements it says that it is talked about in this course and so far I don’t think we have talked much about it.

Since this was the last of four classes we started the class as somewhat of an evaluation of what we have learned from peer coaching.

Angela raised the question: “Are the classes more powerful or doing the coaching more powerful? Which have we learned more from?” I would have to say for me that I have learned more from the classes but that the peer coaching has been what has given me the confidence to coach, the practice of just doing it along with my outside clients. I have also grown in my ability to make ‘small talk’ with people (outside of a coaching situation) whereas I used to struggle to do that with people I don’t know. I have gotten better at asking questions and keeping others talking.

One student was bold enough to share that she found it difficult to coach other coaching students and ‘kudos’ to her for sharing so honestly. I have to agree that it is hard to coach a coach, it is difficult to keep the focus on them – they often try to be the coach. I found this with one of my peer clients. I was challenged to really be on my toes and see when she was trying to make that shift (maybe subconsciously) and be ready to field it and turn it back to her.

Overall, I feel the peer coaching process has been very helpful to the training I have received. It is time consuming and when I was first branching out to find those clients it was a little nerve racking but I have found that I can coach anything and anyone. I have a niche but the principals can be used on any situation. I have learned this about coaching and about myself and that has given me more confidence.

Advanced Coaching Techniques #1

2007-05-30T14:54:00.000-07:00

The first class of this course was held on Wednesday, May 30, 2007. It was a great introduction class about the different techniques that can be used in coaching. We started with talking about ‘creation’. Karen asked each of us to share what we wanted to create in our own life. My share for this week was to create simplicity. I feel as a family we are trying to ‘do’ less so that we have more time to enjoy life and each other.

We talked about what to do with a client that comes into a session and doesn’t have goals or anything that they want to talk about. I have experienced this as the client and I think that the way my coach handled it was great and I will handle it the same way when the situation arises. That is to just allow the client to start to talk about some different things that are going on and see if something comes up from there. I found that there were often just little goals or things to work on rather than these big grandiose goals. Another possibility that was brought up was to just say that it is fine and would they like to reschedule for a later time in the week.

We talked about setting specific goals and also about how to allow flexibility in the goals. Realizing that the goals may change and evolve and to allow that to happen as needed. This moves us into using the technique of ‘visualization’. If we are able to help our clients come up with a way to visualize what they want or what it would look like when they achieved their goal it helps the client to be motivated. It may be through a story board, a word picture or an item that represents the goal.

Our homework for next week is to use one of the techniques on our own share for today. So, for me I wanted to create simplicity…now I have to use a technique this week that will support that creation.

Moving Forward #1

2007-05-24T13:49:00.000-07:00

The first class for this course was held on Thursday, May 24, 2007. Joanne started by sharing a reading by Cheryl Richardson that was focused around eliminating fear and anxiety. Her overall point was “inaction = anxiety” and “action = peace of mind”. I thought this was a great way to simplify the power of action. The next part of the class was used to share what inaction was like, felt like, looked like, etc. Many people talked about how they physically felt when they were not in action, nausea, headache, ‘yucky’. Some people shared how their mind was mentally stagnant.

So the reverse of inaction being action, how does that feel? Lighter, motivated excited, more joyful, content. Being in action can change what you feel or think about that ‘thing’.

What are some motion questions? Ho w do you get your client to start thinking and moving forward? “Where do you want to be…?” “What can you do this week about…?” “What would happen if…?” “What would someone who is fearless do about that?”

Towards the end of class asked if we as coaches had examples about how we have moved our clients forward…what we did. I tried to come up with an example and I’m not sure that I haven’t done that but I guess I just focus in the moment with my clients and it was difficult to think of a pivotal point where I have used this technique. I am going to try to be more aware of this in my upcoming session and future clients because I think it would be very rewarding to be able to pin-point a time where a client shifted and began to really move forward.

Why do people not move forward? Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of change, unable to envision what would happen after they accomplished the goal, complacency because it is comfortable, not aligned with their values (internal disconnect), goal may be too large, they aren’t clear about where they want to go or there may be a UAC that is holding them back.

I thought this was a good class that really covered the reading material and gave a good foundation for the next two classes. Our homework for the week is to bring to class a place that we are not in action. I’m not sure I have an area like this because isn’t my personality…I’ll think on it, we’ll see.

Powerful Questions #3

2007-05-17T14:13:00.001-07:00

The last class for this course was held on Thursday, May 17, 2007. Joanne facilitated the class by having a couple mini-coaching sessions. The goal for each coaching session was for us to identify powerful questions. The first one had many powerful questions, one that stood out to me was “How can I best coach you around that…?” also, “What is the best case scenario and the worst case scenario?” I have sometimes used, “What is the worst thing that can happen or come of this situation?” These types of questions help the client to see accurately what they are facing. Sometimes the client may be significant about a particular thing but when they look at it in this perspective they are able to see that maybe it isn’t something to get that worked up over.

The second coaching session was difficult. As I was listening I was struggling to figure out where I’d go with the session myself. One question the coached asked was “Is there any thing favorable about…” I really liked this question although it didn’t work in this situation. It is a good question that can shift the client’s perspective. As it turned out this question was powerful for the client because even though she wasn’t able to come up with an answer she said that it would stick with her and keep her thinking about it long after the session, even the next time the situation comes up.

Overall I feel like I learned from this course that asking powerful questions can have many levels or different effects on the client. First, it can be a question that moves the client to deeper thinking and an “aha” moment. Second, that the client doesn’t have to have an answer for that question for it to be powerful...the lasting effects might be what is powerful. Third, some questions might ‘flop’ and we just need to plug along and ask the next question. I found this class to be very helpful and encouraging.

Business Building Group Coaching

2007-05-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

This is the very last Business Building class I have! This particular class was held on Tuesday, May 15, 2007. Once again this class is now a ‘group coaching’ class rather than a specific business building technique.

Jim began the class by asking everyone what they wanted to get coaching on. I was not really prepared for this because I have taken most of the classes under the old format and feel like I have a good grasp on the business side of my coaching practice. It took nearly half of the class time for everyone to share what they wanted to coach around. The theme of the class was around targeted marketing.

Jim started by tackling some of the issues around targeted marketing and teaching people ways to better focus on a niche target. One way that he did this was through “mind mapping” – he used the 5 “W’s” = Who, What, Where, When and Why, to help students focus on narrowing down a broad market into something more specific. I think this approach can be used in coaching clients as well. Often time we see things too big and to take the time to focus on these aspects can help us to bring it down to a more manageable size.

Jim also talked about where to go for resources and networking. NBI was brought up and explained a little more in depth which was great for me because I didn’t really understand how it worked – I won’t use it but it was helpful information. Newspapers, and magazines, even those specifically targeting women were brought us as useful places to not only market but find useful resources or contacts.

Overall, it was good final class in business building and I feel very comfortable about where I am at for the time being. I felt the modules were helpful and I am sure that I will refer back to them at some point in time.

Action vs. Delay #2

2007-05-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

The second part of this course was held on Monday, May 14, 2007. This class was facilitated by Linda Anderson and I never had her before. She started off the class with asking everyone to write down what their intentions were for the next hour during the class. I really liked the way she started the class, it was different and fresh. My intention today is to mentally engage in the class and to set aside all of the personal things (moving) that I have going on right now.

In reviewing what we talked about last week: moving clients toward action even in small steps, how UAC’s play into action or delay of action, and that there should be purpose to the action, not creating action for action’s sake.

One way that people will delay action is that they will say that they do not yet have enough information to make a decision. I find this so interesting because I really hit this wall with one of my peer clients. I was able to recognize this even though I had not yet had this class. I kept telling her that she has a lot of really great ideas but she wasn’t willing to take the leap to implement them. It was great to see the light bulb go on and for her to realize that there was a fear that was holding her back.

We did an exercise in class that was also in the homework reading and that was to write down what we are ‘in delay’ about and to share it. I really struggled while doing the homework to come up with something that I am delaying and once again I was unable to think of anything. I feel like I am in action and then some in every area of life right now. I have never been much of a “procrastinator” and I am seeing that being in action is very comfortable for me.

This was my very last Power Tool class…it feels great to have another group of classes completed!!

Powerful Questions #2

2007-05-10T13:43:00.000-07:00

The second class of this course was held on Thursday, May 10, 2007. Part of a quote that Joanne shared was “A question that takes your breath away…” This type of question can bring up things that you never thought about before. The question itself might be different for every client but the idea of the client having an “aha” moment is powerful. A powerful question can also be a question that ‘stumps’ you or makes you ponder for awhile. Asking your client “What does that look like?” “When will it be enough?” or other questions that require a thoughtful response can be powerful questions.

We spent some time in class coming up with questions to ask clients in certain scenarios. I actually shared a thought in this class which I normally don’t do because there are always so many people wanting to talk…it was good to wedge my way into the class and speak up regardless of how difficult it is to get a word in at times. It was great to hear other ideas about questions or direction to take with clients in different scenarios. “What does it look like?” What would it feel like?” or “What would you do if…?” are all questions that constantly arose for each scenario. I think these are questions that kept coming up because it helps the client define why they want to reach that goal and also motivates them as to what they would gain from achieving that goal.

I definitely agree that powerful questions are an important part of coaching. I hope that I will continue to challenge myself to be creative and think outside the box about questions that are powerful. With the coaching that I do with highly co-dependent women I would use powerful questions to help them see their own potential and dreams that have most likely been stuffed down inside them or completely forgotten about.

Practical Ethics

2007-05-09T17:49:00.000-07:00

This course was held on Wednesday, May 09, 2007. Jim opened up with referring a book Law and Ethics in Coaching. He then posed the question, “What struck us about the material?” The concept of ‘under committing and over delivering’ was brought up as significant. Piggy-tailing on this it was brought up that the policies and procedures help to spell out what we are committed to. How does this play out in marketing your business? Being careful that you come across as a coach and not a therapist, this is a boundary issue. You can keep these boundaries clear by being forward focused, stating what the client can expect from you and discussing expectations, defining your own ethical standards and sharing your approach to coaching.

Ways to evaluate something from an ethical standpoint: ask questions that have filters to attract the type of clients that have the same standard of ethics, talking with the client about what their level of ethics around a certain issue (it may not be the same as ours), and trusting our gut…if something feels ‘off’ listen to our conscience it may be telling us something.

Indicators that we may be moving into therapy instead of coaching: if client is exhibiting a decline (hopelessness), if they have intrusive thoughts (unable to focus), if they are overly bothered by a significant event, unable to sleep or sleep too much, sudden decrease or increase in appetite, feelings of guilt because others have suffered, feelings of despair – hyper alert, outburst of anger, impulsive or risk taking behavior (stealing), thoughts of death, suicide or harm to others. If we have clients that move toward these things we should refer them to a therapist or mental health professional.

I feel good about where I stand ethically. I believe that my Christian discernment and my desire to live a Christ-like life will help me keep those lines clear. I know there will be areas that may come up that seem a little more gray but I believe that ethical behavior is a part of who I have developed to be and feel confident that I will conduct my coaching business in this way.

Group Coaching #1

2007-05-08T14:00:00.001-07:00

This class was held on Tuesday, May 08, 2007. I have two more classes to complete my business coaching group of courses so I have two more classes that fall under the ‘group coaching’ model. I still feel uncomfortable with this change even though it really doesn’t affect me too much. I guess I am more of a structured person and like things to fit together like a puzzle, each piece has its place.

Evidently, the class last week was left with the homework to research information based media for building their business. I am assuming there was interest by the students to either write books or e-books. Lou shared how you can use a blog to help you write and organize your ‘book’ by using ‘tags’ for chapter headings and then moving things around to make it into a coherent piece of writing. Someone had questions about internet security and how it works. The discussion went into great detail around the levels of security and ways and reasons to use this type of security. I found this quite irrelevant to at this time and actually I was discouraged to do anything like this because of how complicated it sounded. I do, however, realize that this is an area that I quickly become ‘turned off’ but I can see my husband utilizing this type of thing sometime in the future.

Lou has a lot of wisdom and experience in ‘computer’ type business. It is just so far from what my mind is able to grasp…or where I feel I want to go. I think I will take the later business class next week with Jim…maybe I’ll be able to relate to where that discussion goes better.

Action vs. Delay #1

2007-05-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

The first class for this course was held on Monday, May 07, 2007. This is the last of the Power Tools classes that I have to take. I’m excited to keep seeing the attendance spreadsheet get filled up.

We discussed action but defined what elements are important in ‘action’. One thing that was discussed was that the action needs to be purposeful. It’s easy to get into action for action sake but it may not be moving us toward the goal. We don’t want to wear our clients out by put them into action that isn’t helpful to the goal.

We also talked about timing of action. Delaying action because the timing isn’t right is ok. Delaying action because of fear or procrastination is what we want to move our clients away from. Is everything in place to support and enable the client to reach the goal? What steps might they need to take in order to get the things in place that will support the movement toward the goal?

As we discussed the fact that people delay because they aren’t good at it or don’t like it. One example was handling money in their business. We talked about helping the client to realize the reason behind the ‘delay’ (not being good at it or liking it, for example) and then identify ways that they can handle that weakness (outsourcing, delegating, learning, etc.).

We talked about how UAC’s effect this area of our clients. UAC’s can either move clients into action or they can cause delay. As a coach we don’t want to spend too much time analyzing the clients UAC’s this would be handle with a therapist. Rather, we should, as a coach, acknowledge the UAC and use it (whatever it is) to move our client toward their goal. I have not yet taken the class on UAC’s. I have the first class on Wednesday and I am anxious to learn more about this concept so that I can better understand how they fit in with coaching in general.

Powerful Questions #1

2007-05-04T07:12:00.000-07:00

The first class in this course was held on Thursday, May 03, 2007. I gained a lot from the reading material for this module. The class was structured very much around the reading material…going through the different types of questions and what purpose they serve. The other students in the class had the same insight that I had from the reading material basically that lower level questions can lead to higher level questions and closed ended questions can lead to open ended questions.

We eventually turned to characteristics of powerful questions: We discussed the use of certain words: Who, what, where, when, why and how – staying away somewhat from why. Someone brought up using positive words like ‘best’ (ie. “How can I coach you best around that area?”

I really found this module to be helpful to get a word picture of what questioning looks like. I don’t think I gained any new insight in the class that wasn’t in the reading material but I found the discussion about types of questions and how they can be used in a coaching session very helpful.

Cross Cultural Coaching

2007-05-03T12:46:00.000-07:00

This class was held on Thursday, May 03, 2007. What is culture? We briefly defined culture as norms, beliefs or values distinct to a society, how we communicate within that. Someone said that “we create our culture by our communication”.

Some challenges that can come while coaching cross-culturally are: Different ways of viewing things based on where we are from, we need to learn from the client what their culture says about something. Misunderstanding or breakdown in communication can occur because culturally we aren’t on the same page.

Some of the positive aspects to coaching cross-culturally could be: Challenges us to broaden our perspective. It could benefit the client in the same way. As we are respectful of their culture they will then be more open to hearing another perspective from another culture.

There are many types of cultures. We often think automatically about another country or race: Gender, family, sexual orientation, age, business/company, religious groups and language.

Language differences can be more than just the language but the meaning or interpretation of those words could be very different. In the beginning of the coaching relationship it would be a good idea to talk about what things may be different or expectations they may have. We can’t assume – we need to ask.

The biggest ‘take away’ today is to be aware of our own assumptions and stereo-types and instead create an open communicative partnership with the client so that culture doesn’t become a roadblock.

The Challenging Client #2

2007-05-02T16:05:00.000-07:00

The second class in this course was held on Wednesday, May 02, 2007. In continuing this course…How do we handle challenging clients? We reviewed that there are ‘thinkers’ (analytical), ‘feelers’ (emotional, expressive) and ‘knowers’ (intuitive) and how recognizing that people are different in these ways and identifying what style our clients are can be helpful in coaching them. Another way to look at this identifying whether a client is extroverted, introverted, fact/detail oriented, intuitive or abstract thinkers. It is about how each client goes about making decisions. If we, as the coach, can identify how our clients operate we will be better able to help them move through their process in a way that is comfortable for them.

Jim gave us a situation that was based around how to deal with an angry client. I found that I would initially try to hear what they are angry at and affirm that I hear what they are expressing, then I would try to identify what the UAC’s of the situation may be and then work toward what the client would want to do with that situation.

I was driving in the car picking my daughter up when the class was going on but I got a lot out of having a specific situation laid out and given the opportunity to come to a conclusion about how I would go about coaching that client, followed up by hearing what other people would do in that situation.

I haven’t had challenging clients so far but I think it is important to acknowledge the persons feeling rather than immediately trying to move them past it. Once you work through the initial feelings of anger (or whatever the other feelings may be) then you can move to the next phase of “now what”.

E-Coaching/Group Coaching

2007-05-01T19:02:00.000-07:00

This class was held on Tuesday, May 01, 2007. This was the first class in the Business Building grouping of classes that is going to be held as “group coaching”. I was hoping that I was going to finish the business building modules before they switched to the new format. I don’t do well with things being changed part way through the process. I am hoping to adjust to this new focus and deal with my own frustration with the constant change in the format at ICA.

This format was difficult to get used to. It was pretty much just a time for people to tell others about resources or what they have done in their own business. Some people asked for suggestions about website builders, project management software, etc…This was actually the first class that I felt the students getting irritated and snappy with each other. I’m not sure why…except that maybe since it was such a free-for-all attitude of the class that everyone had their own ideas about it.

One student brought up the “Action Plan” class and the fact that now she doesn’t have that class to help her build the business action plan. I felt bad for her that she feels like the structure she thought she would get around building her business is no longer available. I hope that ICA will reconsider changing the format of the business modules to be group coaching…I’m just glad that I have already worked through most of the business class before the change over happened.

Power Listening #2

2007-05-01T12:53:00.000-07:00

The second class in this course was held on Tuesday, May 01, 2007. I am ecstatic that this is the last of my Foundation classes!!! I should have had it done a long time ago and scheduling conflicts kept on arising…so I am glad to be finishing this up…finally.

We started out talking about how we can better listen and that part of that is to be ‘curious’. Approach the session with the attitude of “I wonder…” Focusing in on why the client thinks or views the situation the way they do. Instead of taking on the thought that they ‘got it wrong’ looking or seeking out what has brought the client to the conclusion they are at.

We also talked about making the client feel safe in a session. Sometimes when we ask questions the client could become defensive. We need to give the client a choice to respond…and to not respond. We have to be careful not to push them into answering a question but allow them to explore what they want to trust us with.

Empathy. Imagining what it feels like for the client on the inside. It is important for the client to see that we, as the coach, are willing to struggle through IT with them. We may not fully understand, but we can be understanding.

I really resonated with this module. I agree that this is a powerful tool in coaching. People need to and want to talk about ‘life’. Many times people come to conclusions just by talking about it out loud. I believe it takes practice to learn how to ask ‘curious’ questions but as we listen to our clients and ask questions that lead them down the road that they are already walking…powerful listening helps us to do that.

The Challenging Client #1

2007-04-25T17:46:00.000-07:00

The first class in this course was held on Wednesday, April 25, 2007. We jumped right into this class with the facilitator opening up the class for people to share about clients that they have been challenged with. The first person shared about a client that was “staying in their head” and needed to move to their ‘body’, basically to feel more. As a coach we need to try to extract feeling words when they will tend to resort back to what they know. This can work the opposite way as well. A client could be always about their emotions and they may need to think more and try to separate from what they are feeling all the time. I think as a coach we need to be aware when either scenario is happening and try to draw the client into the other way of processing or the other perspective.

The discussion switched to foreigners (be it to Americans or other cultures) being challenging clients. I don’t like to think of it this way. We as coaches may be challenged by a client of a different culture but I don’t think that makes the client a ‘challenging client’. I feel the definition of a challenging client is more about there inability to move forward, or their negativity, hang-ups or lack of coach-ability.

The second class in this course is going to be led by another facilitator – I am looking forward to another perspective.

Streams of Revenue

2007-04-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

This class was held on Tuesday, April 24, 2007. Karen shared about a shift in the format for Business Building. From the way I understand it, the last three modules that I have left may be completed under the new format and they will be held as “group coaching”. I guess we will see how this sort itself out, hopefully it won’t complicate my graduation requirements.

The class focus today was about making money. Karen brought up the “affiliate” program in coaching, capitalizing on a referral type situation. Many other ideas came up such as; audio books, e-books, e-courses. We actually spent a lot of time talking about e-books and e-courses, it just isn’t for me.

This class didn’t particularly speak to me where I am at. I think it would be great to make money while not doing anything, don’t get me wrong. I also know from experience that these types of things take a lot of upfront work that I don’t have the energy, time or ambition do. I always keep the idea of writing a book with my husband as a possibility but right now we have too many ‘irons in the fire’.

Peer Coaching #3

2007-04-18T16:15:00.001-07:00

The third class in this course was held on Wednesday, April 18, 2007. The class was primarily a time of sharing our experiences as a peer coach or peer client. Angela had people who were coaching share where they were finding their clients. The answers varied from the Discussion Board to in class and through the ICA community ‘chat’. Although it was rumored to be difficult to get peer clients many people, as I have, found that it has actually been quite easy. I am about 3 weeks away from finishing up with my first 2 peer clients. I will probably start to look for my last peer client soon. I am not feeling too pressured about it because I still have so many other requirements to complete that I think I have some time.

Angela recommended that we have a record of our coaching so that we can get accredited by the ICF. I have a spreadsheet that records who I’ve coached and for how long and if they paid.

There was an intense discussion about clients crying and what to do with that. Is it ok for our clients to cry? Should we acknowledge it or just keep going? Should we feel bad? I am very comfortable with my clients crying…it happens all the time. I think it is important to acknowledge the pain, fear, relief, or whatever it is that brought the tears. I think ignoring it is too removed, at least for me. I want to be in the moment with my clients, just as if they were celebrating a win I want to emotional embrace them when they are crying as well. For me, this is a non-issue.

Coaching Model #3

2007-04-18T13:55:00.001-07:00

The last class of this course was held on Wednesday, April 18, 2007. I came into the class feeling very good about my coaching model and willing to share it if nobody else seemed anxious to do that. I had my husband, who is a Marriage and Family Therapist, look at it and he felt it was good so even if I don’t share it I will submit for Graduation in the next week or so.

The discussion turned back to the difference between the coaching process and the coaching model. I started to feel nervous about sharing my model for fear that I was really doing the process. I decided not to psych myself out and just jumped in and was the first one to share. I was pleased to get very positive feedback. One student called it “beautiful” and another said that she liked it because “it was clear and concise and that I used words that people can relate to”. I’m glad that I stepped up and shared because it is good to get feedback from other coaches, as well as acknowledgement that it works.

The facilitator suggested trying it out in a trial session to see how it worked and I hope to do that. I would also like to talk to my two peer clients to see if they feel like it fits into the style in which I coach. I plan to add it to my brochure so that people will have a better idea of what to expect from a coaching session.

Trust vs. Doubt #2

2007-04-17T13:25:00.001-07:00

I took the second class in this power tool on Tuesday, April 17, 2007. I am unable to recall why I didn’t take the second part of this course the week following the first one. There was a class that I was unable to get on to, it may have been this one…anyway.

I enjoyed the approach the facilitator took with the class. We talked about trusting ourselves and how to empower our clients to trust themselves. The facilitator was coaching one of the students a bit about a situation that he was dealing with and she felt like she was unable to move the clients from a stuck place and she “fell into the trap” of trying to give the client the solution. It was interesting to see this happen and to think about my own coaching and how easy it is to just tell the client x, y or z instead of trusting that they will get to the conclusion eventually. I think we can become impatient when a client doesn’t move at our pace, we can end up trying to move them along and it really does them a disservice.

The other aspect that was touched on briefly was helping our clients to shift perspective from having a problem to something else. It was brought up that helping them look at the problem as a challenge or adventure could motivate them to keep moving forward. The facilitator brought up the fact that we may have clients that just like to have a ‘problem’. Some people may just get bored if life just goes along and so they find something to complain about or even create a problem. I have not encountered this yet but I think that with the type of women I will be coaching that I may run into a few perpetual victims. This class made me put that possibility into my mental file cabinet so that hopefully it will come to mind should that type of person come along.

Coaching Model #1

2007-04-12T19:40:00.001-07:00

The first class in this course was held on Thursday, April 12, 2007. This is the second class for me, I took part two yesterday and am making up part 1 today. This is not how I like to typically take the courses because I like to have a flow and function that comes with taking them consecutively…I’m extending myself grace this time.

After taking Coaching Process #4 yesterday I realize that what I thought was my model was actually my process and I need to come up with a ‘model’ of the process that I have written out. I have come up with a couple diagrams that could work, I’m just not sure if they are the best representation possible.

We spent most of the class looking at the models in the module and sharing what we like or don’t like about the different models. I was able to listen to the discussion and think on my own model and I feel really good about it. I have a few changes to make to my model but I am excited that it was easy for me to write and that I feel like it reflects what I do and will do in my coaching sessions.

The ICA Coaching Process #4

2007-04-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

The final class to this course was held on Wednesday, April 11, 2007. I was excited to complete this course because I feel like it has been going on for awhile, four weeks…ha, ha, ha! Jim started the class by explaining the difference between the coaching process and the coaching model. He said that the model was to be a diagram or picture and that the process was more the step by step written form of what we do in our coaching sessions. Looking back at the coaching model written module there are some that are written and so I am a bit confused. I will be taking the #1 of coaching model tomorrow so I will try to clarify that in that class.

Some people shared their coaching process and as it turns out they were the same as the ones shared in the coaching model class that I had earlier in the day. I guess the two go and in hand and it is a matter of developing the process in your words and the model is making a diagram of the process that makes it easy to explain or understand.

I have begun to develop my coaching process/model based on the way I see my coaching sessions taking place. I hope that I am on my way to clarity with this and I have two more coaching model classes left in order to flush this out.

Coaching Model #2

2007-04-11T14:08:00.000-07:00

The second class for this course was held on Wednesday, April 11, 2007. For me this was my first class because I missed the first one last week, I am making up #1 tomorrow evening. It will be interesting to be apart of two different groups of students and have a different facilitator on the same topic to see what ideas I can glean from them.

It sounds like in the first class some ideas were discussed about how to start going about writing your own coaching model. I heard mentioned taping sessions and finding common elements, putting pen to paper and asking clients or peers for feedback.

Three different students shared their coaching models. It was interesting to hear what other people came up with. One student shared a model that was visual with a tree and it sounded really beautiful, it made me question whether my simple 5 R’s is too boring. JoAnne was encouraging that we all have out own way and we have to do what works for us. I was encouraged to stick with what I have because it was easy for me to write and so I conclude from that that it may point toward the fact that the model I created fits my coaching style and personality.

If there are not too many people chomping at the bit to share their model nect week, I may share mine. We’ll see.

The ICA Coaching Process #3

2007-04-04T23:36:00.000-07:00

The third class for this course was held on Wednesday, April 04, 2007. The class got off to a slow start. Between bridge line issues and people sharing resources we didn’t get going for some time.

Once we got going we started with talking about tangible examples or ways to tell when our clients are in the different phase: honeymoon phase, client will be excited to dive in; peaks and valleys, struggles and wins; quitting zone, when they talk with discouragement “Nothing’s working”, “This is really hard.”

How can we enhance the ‘willingness’? Enthuse them; remind them why they set the goal in the first place, review advantages and disadvantages, help them visualize their goal, look at reality of environment and help them put structures into place, use SMART goals to help them keep the goals attainable and real.

As I think about my clients and the ways that they may start to move into the quitting zone I feel like the above techniques could really work for them, mostly why they set the goal in the first place and what the advantages and disadvantages are to continue on the journey. I believe that when faced with the reality of why they are doing what they are doing they will want to stay the course.

Creating Confidence #3

2007-04-04T23:35:00.001-07:00

The third class of this course was held on Wednesday, April 04, 2007. We started out discussing where we may lose confidence. Many people on the call found that they lose confidence when they find themselves talking too much. I thought this was interesting that this would make them lose confidence.

We moved into a coaching situation with two students. I believe the intent was to help one student come up with some different ways that they could convey confidence to their clients. The man being coached felt like he should not share his own experiences or thoughts about a situation, he has felt like he should only ask questions. The woman that coached him helped him to come up with ways that he could contribute more to the coaching without just asking questions. The woman that coached made a great statement when asked if she was worried about having confidence in coaching, she said “No, because confidence is about me and coaching isn’t about me.” I love that and can learn a lot from thinking from that perspective in coaching.

We also talked about having an agenda, should we or shouldn’t we? Yes, or else we don’t show up. I think that we need to be somewhat flexible with the agenda but we should have an idea about where we are heading at the beginning of the session. We also need to know what our clients believe coaching is. It doesn’t really matter what we think coaching is but what our clients think it is and what they are hoping to get out of the coaching process. The client should do most of the talking. We can talk but we need to help the client move toward their goals, problem solving etc.

Overall I think we can all walk away from the class with confidence by realizing that there are many ways to coach and many types of coaching. There isn’t one way to coach and everyone else is not a good coach. I have confidence in my coaching because I know that I offer survival and hope and a genuineness that I bring to the coaching session. I believe I can offer tools and support to the women I coach.

Websites That Work #1

2007-04-03T13:52:00.000-07:00

The first class in this course was held on Tuesday, April 03, 2007. I was looking forward to this class in hopes that I would get an idea how effective my website is and ways to improve it. I am hoping that the ‘blog’ requirement might be discussed as well seeing as I still have a lot of confusion about what is expected. If we are given instruction on how to form websites that would be great too, I had help with mine and really don’t know much about how they are created.

We started off talking about what feeling we want to create on our website. Some of the feelings that I wrote down for my website are: safety, an ally, confidence, trust and hope. I believe that I have created that feeling in the website that I have.

What do I want my website to do? I’d like people to be able to go to my website to know more about me and what I have been through so that they can have hope that their marriage can survive this as well, and to have confidence that I will be able to help them. I want them to feel as though they have someone to go through this with them.

The discussion started to get technical and I was lost. We were talking about website optimization, ways to go about that. It would be great for people around the world to be able to find me for coaching rather than it just being people that I have had previous contact with, I’ll have to continue to investigate this aspect.

Karen talked about how to create a PDF file on our website, a document that is unchangeable. I have often thought about doing this with some of the documents we have for conferences etc, now I know how! Yea!

The ICA Coaching Process #2

2007-03-29T09:02:00.000-07:00

The second class in this course was held on Wednesday, March 28, 2007. We started the class talking about what we have learned. It was brought up that there is a phase process to coaching. There are patterns that will happen in coaching relationships. Again the “Quitting Phase” was brought up and how important it is to keep the vision and keep focused on the goal. It was brought up that sometimes the client will take the coach in a new direction and what should we do with this in coaching. I feel like it is ok to coach on the new area but then try to revisit the old goal and bring them back to the other incase they are avoiding that issue. It was also brought up that we need to trust our instincts…if we feel like we are being pulled away from the goal we can address that.

This was a continual theme throughout the class. It seems that maybe this ‘getting away’ from what was originally being coached is somewhat ‘normal’, if you want to call it that. We as coaches need to have tools that bring the coaching back to the main goal and what surrounds that. Sometimes dealing with some immediate pressing things is necessary to help the client get back to their goal.

Creating Confidence #2

2007-03-28T15:44:00.000-07:00

The second class in this course was held on Wednesday, March 28, 2007. We started out talking about writing our Bio’s. I already had mine completed long before this class so I wasn’t overly engaged in this aspect of the class. I definitely see the benefits to having a Bio which is why I did it in the first place. We talked about the value of having a niche. This too I have already established.

We discussed market research, knowing what you are offering and to who. The conversation was very much geared toward business coaching and the dynamics of coaching within an organization. This just doesn’t fit with what I do or plan to do ever. Angela shared some strategies to increasing ones coaching business within an organization. So far I have been disappointed in this course. I haven’t been able to connect with what is being discussed. I wasn’t really hearing much about creating confidence.

Targeted Marketing #1

2007-03-27T13:59:00.001-07:00

The first class of this course was held on Tuesday, March 27, 2007. The theory of ‘targeted marketing’: What is the benefit of having a niche? You are more likely to get their attention to be coached because you have hit an area that would resonate with them. We get more focused on our own attention in that area (reading, info we take in etc.). We can truly enthuse and inspire others because we are passionate about that area.

Having a niche gives us a marketing focus as well as a coaching focus. We need to ‘research’ in order to determine if there is a need for a particular niche, is it too narrow or not pinpointed enough.

Based on what I was hearing in the class today I believe that it is valuable to have a fairly specific niche. I have had a very specific niche from day one, mainly because I heard a need. My niche is women who have been sexually betrayed by their husband. I feel my role as a coach to these women is to offer support and a listening ear as well as to give guidance in helping them to find their voice and set up appropriate boundaries in their marriage in order for them to rebuild their marriage after the betrayal. Many of these women have lost, or never had, their identity and through coaching they begin to develop that side of themselves.

I shared in class what my niche is and was affirmed that I have done a good job in defining my niche. Karen used the example that if some one heard about what I do they would immediately know if I was a good match for themselves/friends/others. They would either refer me or they wouldn’t there isn’t really a gray area.

Power Listening #1

2007-03-23T13:52:00.001-07:00

The first class in this course was held on Friday, March 23, 2007. The class started out discussing what it means to power listen. There were some really great observations about it meaning the presence of the coach, listening for emotions, creating a safe environment for the client. It was also brought up that asking good questions shows good listening, it lets the client know that you care about what they are saying as well as wanting to understand even deeper. Power listening is not just with our ears but with our heart. It was brought up a lot about our body energy, that power listening has to do with how present we are in our body posture. Are we alert? Does note taking help you focus? How do we get into “The Zone”? What do we do to get ourselves ready for power listening?

I am comfortable with power listening. I try to ask simple questions that will continue to draw the client out. I am pretty ok with periods of silence…it usually results in the client taken the next step in their thought process. I try to sit in a comfortable yet upright chair, I take notes on my computer because it helps me focus on key points to what they are saying so that I can be intone with what they are feeling.

What about periods of silence? Allowing silence is difficult but we need to as coaches get comfortable with silence, and even use periods of silence to get the client to say what they may be holding back on. It was brought up that you can actually let the client know that there will be times of silence and that it is ok.

Enthusing - Part 2

2007-03-22T15:52:00.000-07:00

The second class in this course was held on Thursday, March 22, 2007. One of the best things I got out of this class was that Angela enthused us that coaching takes many forms…sometimes it looks like therapy, sometimes it looks like teaching, sometimes it is more questioning and sometimes it is enthusing. I was encouraged by this because I know that my approach to coaching, mostly due to the nature of coaching I do, is different from a lot of what I hear at ICA. I coach women who are in crisis in their marriage, I spend a lot of time encouraging, listening and just being present with their emotions. Thank you, Angela for enthusing me!

Angela shared a diagram that she uses to help people see where they devote their energy. I thought it was a good way to help our clients focus on what is important to them. I imagine that it would also be a way for them to see if something is taking their energy that they don’t want to be a priority. One of the steps in the diagram was to assign a percentage to each of the six things that they name. Where are they putting their energy? This includes where our thoughts are (if you are doing something else but your thoughts are on work…the energy is on the work). If nothing else it would be an eye opening exercise. Whatever you put your energy into you are building, whatever you don’t put your energy in will eventually die.

Going into this course I was feeling really frustrated and inadequate about my ability to enthuse. I now realize that my perception about what enthusing is was incorrect. I am so encouraged to see that enthusing is more than standing on the sidelines saying “Rah-Rah-Rah” but, rather, bringing energy to my clients by supporting them, helping them see a different perspective or helping them to feel empowered.

The ICA Coaching Process #1

2007-03-21T17:54:00.000-07:00

The first class of this course was held on Wednesday, March 21, 2007. In discussing the ICA Coaching Process we started with the “honeymoon phase’. As in any relationship it is a learning phase, getting to know the other person as well as navigating what the relationship will be like. This triggered someone to want to talk about the “quitting zone”. This is a time when clients get exasperated and feel like they would like to just give up. How do we move them through this time? Encouraging them that it is normal to feel discouraged or enthuse them about what progress they have already made, hold the vision for them when they are unable to. Is it possible that maybe the client really does need a break? Maybe they need a new perspective or they are less energized to work on their goals.

What processes do we need to have as we move into the profession of coaching? There are a multitude of techniques and approaches to coaching. The goal is that we draw from a gamut of different ideas and create a coaching session that works for us and for our clients. Jim talked about coaching being both an art and a science. I love this idea…we have structures and processes that give us a foundation but we also can use our own lives, skills, personality, etc…to coach. Listening and Asking Questions. We as the coach should only talk 20% of the time and listen 80%.

The class was summed up in focusing on what we think of people, what we bring because of our own experience, assumptions or judgments. How can we be aware of these things and use them (or not use them) to be effective coaches?

Creating Confidence #1

2007-03-21T15:52:00.000-07:00

This first class in this course was held on Wednesday, March 21, 2007. When we lack confidence then we may begin to doubt ourselves, our abilities and choices. Very often we lack confidence because we are so self focused…it’s all about me. We may feel judged by others and feel like we have to do/say the right thing.

Confidence brings up thoughts of feeling safe, acknowledged and sure. Once we have an awareness of what our value is then we can move to a new level of confidence. How do we create value? For me, I feel like my coaching has value because there are so many women who can benefit from the service I offer. There are so many co-dependent scared women who need someone to help them find their voice, help them discover that they have value no matter what their husband did to betray them.

It’s ‘funny’ that the class focused so much on public speaking…I think we can have confidence or lack confidence in things much smaller than public speaking. I’m thinking about clients I have that just struggle with making a simple decision, always second guessing what they think they should do/say.

I am curious where the next two classes will go. I felt like the conversation got a little ‘stuck’. I’ll just leave it at that for now and see what happens next class.

Creating Action #2

2007-03-21T13:59:00.000-07:00

The second class in this course was held on Wednesday, March 21, 2007. We had two assignments to complete from the last class. One was to do a success life line which I worked on and found that most of my early life successes were hard to think of but from high school to the present I was able to come up with quite a few. Most of my success has been due to just being a good person and making good choices. I didn’t find that I had developed any particular skills that helped me accomplish these things. The second assignment was to write an affirmation for ourselves and I used one that I have used for the last 11 years, a Bible verse: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14

We began the class by sharing our affirmations and talking about how we can use affirmations with our clients. Affirmations are in a language that conveys that we are already doing it. We can use affirmations with our clients to help them set the tone for the day. To say “Today I am going to strive for patience with my toddler”, is a reminder of our focused for the day. Someone gave the idea of using a symbol that represents the affirmation. I like this idea because it keeps the affirmation for them…it isn’t for others to read and comment on but rather a moment of encouragement for the client.

We also talked about ‘success life lines’. One way to use this with clients is to break it up into decades (birth to 10, 10-20, etc.). We can also break it up into work success and personal success. We can also make it topic specific (i.e. writing successes, parenting successes). Many people talked about how they have used this with their families to celebrate what they have done as a family.

We ended by talking about ‘role models’. Many people shared about their role models. I was reminded of the value of role models in our society. I think so often we get caught up in doing it all ourselves and doing it our way. I know that I have a great role model in my mother and it made me think about my own girls and how I will affect their lives when they are adults. Will they think of me the same way I think of my own mother? It has made me more aware of wanting to be sure that I am a good role model of a strong, happy, Christ-like woman in hopes that my girls will want to be the same.

Enthusing - Part 1

2007-03-15T16:03:00.000-07:00

This first class in the course was held on Thursday, March 15, 2007. We began by defining what enthusing is: energize, motivate, inspire. It comes from the Greek word meaning “From God”. It can apply to us physically and mentally and emotionally. Why do we as adults lose the sheer delight in life? Children live in the moment whereas adults tend to be thinking about what’s to come. Children also have more imagination and as adults we tend to be more realists.

As a coach we can bring our clients to a ‘childlike’ moment. How do we create a moment when all is possible for our clients? Sometimes it may be just by being the person who believes that they are capable of more than what they think they are capable of.

We talked about how well we do this for ourselves. I think I have a lot of faith in my abilities, and it grows everyday. I feel I am a positive person, generally. The concept of enthusing is a stretch for me. When I read the module and hear people talking about enthusing it seems very ‘cheerleaderish – rah, rah, rah’ and this is just not me. I feel I can encourage and support others well but the whole idea of energizing doesn’t fit for me. I am asking myself, “How do I develop a more enthusiastic approach?”

The conversation that we had in class was much more focused on shifting perspective, encouraging, supporting. If these are qualities of enthusing then maybe I do enthuse others. I was thinking of enthusing in a much ‘peppier’ way. I think I will re-frame my perspective about enthusing.

Peer Coaching #2

2007-03-14T17:52:00.001-07:00

The second class to this course was held on Wednesday, March 14, 2007. There was a lot of controversy about the peer coaching sessions. Can they be e-coaching sessions and is 30 minutes appropriate? I was under the understanding that e-coaching was not acceptable and that the sessions needed to be about 60 minutes. I think that even if the sessions only have to be 30 minutes that I will still strive to be at about 60 minutes. I also feel that e-coaching doesn’t give enough training and practice in coaching and I will absolutely not e-coach for my peer coaching. It seems like it is ‘getting out of’ fulfilling the requirements.

There has been a lot of controversy about if you need to ‘blog’. I was under the understanding that we needed to blog our classes and learning process and I have heard from others that we did not have to blog only that we had to keep notes for assessment. Jim also said in this class that we really don’t need to post on the discussion board any longer but rather now turn to blogging instead.

The research paper was brought up as well in this class. Summary, define terms, interview or read materials for background and research data (what’s known), what’s the tie in to my research paper, why coaching is useful in that arena, conclusion and bibliography.

I was feeling a little overwhelmed with feeling like I’m going to miss something for graduation…there seems to be a lot of confusion. The new realization of connecting with other blogs has me feeling lost. The fear of missing something has increased greatly in the last 30 minutes.

Creating Action #1

2007-03-14T13:58:00.001-07:00

The first class in this course was held on Wednesday, March 14, 2007. The biggest thing I got from the reading material was to focus on the clients strengths before turning to what the barriers or roadblocks are, and to talk about the barriers and roadblocks rather than the client’s weaknesses. I have actually gone back and changed my client information sheet to reflect ‘barriers and roadblocks’ instead of weaknesses.

Through sharing our own top 10 strengths we were able to see what a great exercise this would be for our clients. Many people shared the process that they went through to determine their strengths and how life changing the realization of these strengths were for them, thus magnifying how important it is for us to do this with our clients. We so often have a hard time valuing what we are good at, either we don’t feel worthy or else we don’t want to ‘toot our own horn’. Why is it necessary to know our strengths? Our strengths can help us overcome hard times in life, increase confidence, build self-worth which gives hope, helps us learn how to celebrate ourselves.

This was a good class filled with ways to build on our successes and strengths so propel us into continued action and to help our clients move forward in continued action as well.

Goal Setting #2

2007-03-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

This class was held on Wednesday, March 07, 2007. Class began today with discussing the idea of changing the ‘language’ you use when setting goals. It seems that people get hung up on ‘setting goals’ and it may be helpful to focus more on what the client wants to accomplish and moving forward from there. How much time is spent with clients talking about goals? For me the sessions revolve around the overall goal. I don’t spend a lot of time talking about the actual goal but more what has been occurring throughout the week that moves towards the goal. A lot of the people in my class are working with very measurable goals…my clients are dealing with more long term goals that are not measurable by practical means but rather are achieved through greater satisfaction or contentment in life.

At the end of class we experienced a ‘goal setting’ coaching session. As the facilitator was calling on someone with a goal and someone who was willing to coach I was feeling a bit intimidated about volunteering. Finally a couple of people volunteered to do this and I felt like it was weird. The whole thing seemed too contrived and uncomfortable…the feedback from the class was very positive and it makes me wonder what I am missing. I can’t see myself having my client close their eyes and visualize my little ‘story’. I guess I need to formulate how I will help my clients set their goals in my own style. I think I will tend to do this through asking questions, not visual meditation.

Goal Setting #1

2007-02-28T15:36:00.000-08:00

The first class of this course was held on Wednesday, February 28, 2007. The class began with discussion around why people don’t set goals. We talked about the aversion people may have to the connotation of the word ‘goal’. Some people are afraid of failure; therefore of they don’t set goals they can’t fail in achieving them. Some people just don’t want to be accountable to their goals and still others may just be too lazy to set goals for themselves. It was also brought up that some people may feel bogged down by goals and like to feel freedom in this area.

Joanne shared her 14 step model for setting goals. I missed a few steps but liked a lot of the steps that I was able to capture; determine values, determine desire, define belief system, what are the benefits, list of obstacles, identify other info client will need, organizations/people who can help, make a plan, visualize the goal, decide never to give up and set up rewards/celebration.

Some barriers to achieving goals may be; people may not feel deserving of reaching a goal, it may be someone else’s goal that they feel they should achieve or feeling overwhelmed by the goal.

I think this is an important aspect to coaching and I am looking forward to flushing this out even more at the next class. I hope to develop my own model for walking clients through their goals.

Legal Issues

2007-02-27T14:09:00.000-08:00

This class was held on Tuesday, February 27, 2007. We started off the class talking about having a Coaching Agreement. What should be included? What coaching is, the process of coaching, who calls who, how long are the sessions, what is the fee, how will the client pay, how long is the relationship, confidentiality, what the client can expect. I felt good about my agreement after hearing what most people were putting in their agreements. The ICF Code of Ethics was mentioned and I was interested in getting a hold of a copy of that.

We discussed what we would do if we no longer felt like our coaching was effective but the client kept coming anyway. The idea of coming up with asking the client what they were getting out of the coaching, possibly offer other types of support (i.e. therapy, consulting), build in an evaluation point in the coaching process, express our own feelings, seek out advice from other coaches or mentor coach (Is it us or the client?). I thought this was a great topic to think about. I am sure that at some point I will feel that the coaching process gets to a place that it is no longer effective and to think about how to handle that ahead of time was great.

What do we do when we have a client that threatens to harm themselves? In the U.S. (California) we are legally bound to break confidentiality if someone threatens to harm themselves or others. I think I may add this to my coaching agreement.

Trust vs. Doubt #1

2007-02-26T13:51:00.000-08:00

The first class of this course was held on Monday, February 26, 2007. I wrestled with this power tool, not because there was anything blatantly wrong with it just that I felt it should have been called Perfection vs. Problem based on the reading material. Interestingly enough, the class discussion began with ‘the meaning of words’. Specifically love and hate, are they opposites? Or is indifference really the opposite of love.

We then moved into talking about trust and doubt more specifically. Trust is becoming a word that holds a lot of weight not only in personal relationships but in the professional world as well. We no longer take what people tell us as truth (i.e. doctor) but rather we question people more. We don’t trust as easily but want to find our own answers. Trust isn’t something that just happens. It is something we have to work on. Trusting ourselves is part of this as well. Trusting ourselves instead of doubting ourselves is very empowering. It will help us to achieve our goals and more forward. Doubt can be just as powerful as trust. Doubt can paralyze us and keep us from doing what it is we think we want to do, be or accomplish. We can learn to trust ourselves by looking back at when we have trusted ourselves and were right about what we thought. It is also helpful to remember that you know yourself and to have faith in that. Doubting ourselves could possibly lead to failure in what we are trying to achieve. If we are feeling doubt about something we should explore why we are feeling that doubt…maybe it is timing, maybe we needs clarity, something is off or we just need assurance. Why are we feeling doubt? Is it a warning? Is it a fear that is constraining us?

We can use both trust and doubt to our benefit both in life and in coaching. Being intune with why and what we trust or doubt and us those doubts to explore further why, we can grow towards better understanding of ourselves, our clients and particular situations.

Creating Structure #2

2007-02-21T13:46:00.000-08:00

The second class of this course was held on Wednesday, February 21, 2007. We focused on the actual coaching sessions/business. First question: How long are your sessions? The answers varied from 25 – 60 minutes. My sessions are 45 minutes. Second question: How many sessions per month does the client get? The answers varied from 3-4 sessions a month. I offer 4 sessions a month. Question 3: What type of sessions do you do? I do face-to-face, telephone and email support. I was surprised at how many people are doing face-to-face coaching since coaching has been so based in telephone sessions. Some people do all email or instant messenger coaching, they seemed to feel it worked well for them. Question 4: How do clients pay? How often, by what means, how much? Answers varied greatly. I charge up front for the month and prefer to be paid by credit card. I have several different packages that offer different levels of coaching for different fees.

It was great to hear all the different ways that people go about setting up their structure. Some people have come up with creative and unique ways of doing things…I think I am pretty straight forward and simple.

Business Action Plan #3

2007-02-20T14:05:00.000-08:00

The third class in this course was held on Tuesday, February 20, 2007. It was led actually by the third different instructor out of three classes. It was great to get three different focuses from three different facilitators.

The goal for the third class was to offer support for people in completing their Business Plan. My business plan is very basic and vague. I am not sure if I need it to be any more specific than I have at this point. One student really focused on the financial part of his business plan. I really don’t feel like this is the important part of my plan. The financial part is really secondary for my practice it is more about whom I want to coach, how I want to coach and how I want to let people know that I am offering this service.

The biggest thing I got from this class was that my business plan can be either as detailed or simple as I want it to be. I feel confident that I have a plan that works for me at this time.

Peer Coaching #1

2007-02-15T10:07:00.000-08:00

This class held Wednesday, February 14, 2007, is the first of four for this course. I was looking forward to taking this class because I have just about completed my peer coaching with my ICA coach and have secured two peer clients…I am feeling like I am on my way. I do, however, want to make sure that I am doing it all correctly. I want to make sure that there isn’t some step in the process I am missing. And I want to learn anything new about the way to go about peer coaching which might be different from the clients I will be coaching in my practice.

In coaching we want to be looking for value in our coaching. We want to focus on our strengths and check in with our ICA clients for feedback on our effectiveness. I have not done this and I plan to ask one of my clients for feedback on our next call.

This first class we primarily focused on what the ICA requirements are and how to fulfill those requirements. We were also given suggestions for how to find your peer coach or peer clients. I didn’t really obtain any new information about the first steps of coaching through ICA, with the exception of asking for feedback from my peer clients in order to help me learn. I’m looking forward to moving into the other classes in hopes that I will get more of the information I was hoping to.

Creating Structure #1

2007-02-14T13:41:00.000-08:00

The first class in this course was held on Wednesday, February 14, 2007. As is typical in many classes we started by defining “Structure”: being organized, creating a framework, having a system, guidelines, foundation, support, process. Some people feel that structure is BAD…limitation, boring, confinement. “Structures are meant to support our life not limit it.”

Coaching practice structure: coaching model, prep forms, appointment book, length of sessions, how client pays, how to handle cancellations.

Standards are for me. What my client can count on me for. Level of commitment, principals and values, define our beliefs.

Boundaries are for others. What I expect from my clients. How do they know what I expect from them? What I will allow in my life.

I feel I have a good grasp on what my standards and boundaries are in coaching. So far I haven’t run into any problems that require me being overly specific about these. I’ve kept my list of “do’s” and “don’ts” pretty basic – short and sweet.

As far as “Policies” I have written a coaching contract and a brochure that outline the basic policies and procedures for coaching. I also use the first session, either a trial session or actual session, to verbalize these basic policies and procedures to the client.

Bill said “You want to create a structure that will attract the type of clients you want to coach.” I feel I have done this and that is why I haven’t run into difficulty in this area. There seems to be like-mindedness between my clients and me that makes this an easy fit.

Responsibility vs. Blame #2

2007-02-14T12:57:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of class the topic of the difference between guilt and shame as it is related to Responsibility vs. Blame came up. It was interesting to think about how feeling shame can make us hide behind blaming. I think it is a good concept to keep in mind as related to our clients. Very often people who are hurt by someone at a deep level feel so ashamed that they ‘allowed’ it to happen to them that they blame them rather than take responsibility for what they choose to do with that hurt.

This class held Wednesday, February 14, 2007 got deep about to what extent one can accept responsibility….children, victims, etc… I feel that the question is really what to we do with what has happened. Some times in life things happen to us that we really don’t have control over…our responsibility is what we do with our circumstances.

I was a little disturbed that the consensus of the class seemed to be that we can never say that something is the fault of someone else. If a person hits you with a car, if a person abused you in some way, parents divorce when you are a child, someone steals something that is yours…these are things that you can blame others for. We don’t ask to get hit by a car or abused by someone etc. I feel it is ok to assign blame to someone but what we do with that is our responsibility. We need to move past blaming into action of what are we going to do with what happen to us.

How does forgiveness play into this? Forgive does not release or endorse the offender it is for you. I agree with this 100%. This is what my husband and I teach in our couple’s conference. Forgiving is NOT forgetting, but it is healing for self.

Intro to Teleclass Leading

2007-02-13T14:13:00.000-08:00

This class was held on Tuesday, February 13, 2007. As I read the homework for this course I immediately felt that this was not something I would incorporate into my coaching practice.

One point that was discussed about leading teleclasses was that we need to allow the interaction to happen as is comfortable for those involved. It is not the facilitator’s job to make sure that everyone is sharing or that one person isn’t talking too much. Every person should find their own level of learning.

The discussion quickly turned to strategies for using teleclasses and teleseminars for marketing. Many students were brimming with ideas about what kind of classes to have in order to create a clientele. I see value in all that was discussed…it just doesn’t fit into my vision for my coaching practice. I feel my niche is much more private and personal in nature.

Responsibility vs. Blame #1

2007-02-07T12:49:00.000-08:00

The first class of this course was held on Wednesday, February 07, 2007. The point of this power tool is to help clients be aware that happiness comes from them and not to them.

We began by defining Responsibility: ability to respond, accepting, having an important role, empowering (world is open to them), ownership, obligation with power in the responsibility, making choices, freedom. There is a difference between having a responsibility (obligation) and being responsible.

The reading material says, “When we choose to take responsibility, we choose freedom.” This means that we are in the driver’s seat, in control, not a victim, the one who can take action.

We then defined Blame: ability to react, victim, powerless, boo-hoo-hoo, anger, denial, denying your options.

The reading says, “When we choose to blame, we choose burden.” This means not having the freedom to do what action needs to be done, trapped with other people who do the same “blame clubs”.
People blame because it gives them a false sense of power. They blame because they want acknowledgment of feelings. Blame is a way for people to try and make sense of things that have happened to them. People blame out of fear of the truth or fear of their own inadequacies.

What do we do when people do things to us (abuse, accidents, betrayal etc.)? The goal is to grow and move forward despite what we face.

Blaming is about judging and looks backward. Responsibility is about understanding and looks forward.

I think this is valuable when working with clients in my niche because these women did not ask for their husbands to be unfaithful. They can choose to sit in blame and unhappiness or they can choose to take responsibility for where they go from here and what they do with what has happened in their marriage.

Commitment vs. Trying #2

2007-02-05T13:33:00.000-08:00

I was unable to take the second class in this course with the group that I originally started with due to being in the hospital. So, I took the second class on Monday, February 05, 2007. This group of people equated commitment with freedom. The fear of losing freedom of ‘something’ keeps us from completely committing to things.

One student on the call shared that she had an ‘epiphany’ that she was committed to too many things. This really rang true for me. I think I tend to try to do everything and to do it all 100%. The battle of always feeling like I need to do better and need to do more leaves me exhausted and sometimes feeling like I haven’t done everything to its fullest potential. It was also interesting that the idea of ‘resting’ came up because this is an area that I have been challenged in since starting at ICA. Before starting school I always gave myself permission to rest during my ‘little one’s’ nap time, now I find that I fill her nap time with classes and clients.

There could also be a mismatch between what we say we are committed to and what our core values are. Is your time being used wisely more important than seeing something through to the end even if you aren’t excited about what you are doing? Do we commit to things that we don’t like or enjoy? Do we commit to clients that we don’t like? How do we manage when we are in situations where we are committed to things that we don’t enjoy? If we have a client that we don’t really enjoy but yet we are committed to in a coaching relationship? I think that a re-frame or shift in perspective can help. What can we gain or how can we grow by this commitment. I think for me I will remember the goal and need that brought me into coaching. I may not ‘click’ with every woman that wants coaching from me but what I have to offer is a service that can benefit them even if it isn’t uplifting or fulfilling for me. I know that I am not coaching just to be fulfilled but also because there are so many people who need what I have to offer. It is about being selfless instead of selfish.

Acknowledgement #2

2007-01-24T15:53:00.000-08:00

Our field work that was assigned for last week was to think of someone we could acknowledge in our life and do it. I have to admit that I thought about it quite a bit but did not act on that. I think I lost track of time and all of a sudden a week had past. I will make an assertive effort to do this field work in the next week as well as implement this in my daily life and coaching practice.

We spent the majority of the class sharing wins (I didn’t have one) and sharing our field work experiences. It was great to hear how the acknowledgement exercise went for everyone. Many people acknowledged their bosses, a couple their spouses, but overall everyone felt like it was a good experience. It was interesting that the people who did the acknowledging actually got a lot out of doing the acknowledging…it made them feel good.

Someone mentioned that their coach encouraged them to acknowledge themselves and I found it interesting that my coach also encouraged me in that way. I know that it is a weakness of mine to not slow down or take the time to acknowledge myself or celebrate my accomplishments.

It was a class rich with acknowledging others and ourselves. I appreciated all those who shared their experiences or struggles.

Commitment vs. Trying #1

2007-01-24T15:50:00.000-08:00

The first class of this course was held on Wednesday, January 24, 2007. As I read the material for this power tool I quickly found a lot of value in it. It is a simple concept but powerful when using it to pick up on whether a client is really committed to what they say they are or if they have already defeated themselves.

We started by focusing on the statement in the reading material that says, “There is never a time, not even a split second, when we are not committed.” We discussed whether we thought this was a true statement. It was a tough one to wrap our heads around. However, I feel like this statement is true (even when we are sitting on the couch watching TV). We can be committed to just relaxing, resting or ‘doing nothing’, but by the very fact that it is what we are doing we are committed to it.

Trying was defined at giving up, persistence, focusing on failure, self-defeating, never actually achieving, difficult, challenging, uncertain of the outcome.

Commitment was defined as permanent, responsibility, awareness of what you are committed to, determination, accountable, promise, strength of convictions, purpose, dedication, seeing it through, faith.

The very definitions that we came up with point to completion of a goal when we are committed and failure when we are not committed. What am I committed to? My husband, my children, my faith in Jesus, being a good wife and mother, finishing ICA. In that commitment I feel like I have been successful in these areas. I have structure that helps me to achieve in these areas.

“Trying is putting forth effort, commitment is creating structure that helps facilitate the realization of that goal. “ Coaching is about setting up structure. What is the structure in place that will help to reach this goal? Coaching is about action but it is also about creating awareness. Awareness has choices. We may have an Underlying Automatic Commitment, an unconscious belief that is driving ones behavior? They are things that you are committed to but may not be aware of.

Red flag words: should, ought, need – haven’t really come to terms with…

There was a lot discussed in this class and I feel like I have a good handle on it and look forward to flushing it out a little more next week.

Business Action Plan #2

2007-01-23T15:09:00.000-08:00

The second part of this course on Tuesday, January 23, 2007, was focused on the Marketing Plan. The avenues of marketing that I am currently using are Referrals; through the conference that my husband and I host and teach, churches and therapists in the area; also, General Marketing; through brochures, website and business cards. I have thought about other ways to market eventually, by radio, podcasts and a book someday.

The focus of the discussion was sharing what marketing strategies we are using and to get ideas from others about what we might want to try. I was confident that the things that I am doing right now are the right strategies for me for the time being but was also very enthused about working on my Action Plan again.

I have not worked on my Action Plan since before the winter break and although I was intending to work on it over the break I procrastinated and put it off largely due to the fact that I felt overwhelmed by the process after the first class. I am feeling ready to tackle it again and get at least a ‘rough draft’ completed before the next class on February 20th.

Trial Session #2

2007-01-23T15:03:00.001-08:00

This class was held on Tuesday, January 23, 2007. I have to admit that I was anxious to get this class over with. As I wrote in my last blog on this subject, I just don’t see myself going out and offering a bunch of trial sessions to people, especially in relationship to my niche. My coach and I had a good laugh about what that would look like…”Hi, I’m a sexual betrayal coach, can I offer you a trial session on how you have been sexual betrayed by your spouse?”

Several people shared that they had tried to have a trial session. It seemed like less than 50% were successful. Many people did trial sessions on people that they knew already…they said that it was awkward and ‘corny’. They noted that it was unnatural to have that type of conversation with someone you know.

We discussed that the trial sessions shouldn’t only be about getting a client. It is important to make sure that the client is right for you, to make sure that the two of you are aligned. The trial session is also for us, the coaches, to practice articulating what it is we do.

Bill walked us through a “Real Goals Exercise”. It was an example of a way to bring people into coaching from a trial session. It helps the client see what they really want. It also gives the coach a platform to coach from. I think I may be able to use this exercise when I talk with women who are having a hard time articulating what they really want, particularly in relationship to their spouse.

Introduction to Coaching Part 2

2007-01-19T14:15:00.000-08:00

I took this class on Friday, January 19, 2007. We were given a lot of time to ask questions about coaching. I didn’t feel like I had any basic questions about what coaching is or how to go about it, therefore I spent the class listening so others questions. When someone brought up a question I answered it for myself and then waited to see what Merci would say on the subject to see if I was aligned.

One question was about niche; how to find your niche, when you should have your niche, etc. I had my niche before I went into coaching. In a sense I went into coaching in response to a niche so I felt good about that, I know that this is rare and that most people have to really give this area some thought. Another question was around how to set up a coaching relationship; time of sessions, how many sessions, fees, phone or face-to-face, etc. Again, I have already really defined what my coaching practice was to look like and was able to answer the particulars in this area.

We also spent some time discussing the future of coaching and where it is going in the professional realm. It was amazing to me how popular it is becoming in corporations as a hired staff position. I have no desire to head in that direction but it gives the profession even more credibility. Overall, I am glad that I am done with this class. As I said before it is a course that I would have preferred to take a few months ago when I first began at ICA and it just didn’t work out.

Acknowledgement #1

2007-01-17T14:12:00.000-08:00

I was very excited about taking my first Advanced Coaching I class. I am one of those types of people that are somewhat systematic about the way I go about doing things. Although I don’t have all my Foundation Classes completed I am getting close, I have been working on the power tools and the business classes as well and I have all the Foundation classes on the calendar so I figured it would be advantageous to start on the next set of classes. I am looking forward to stepping up to the next level of challenges in the ‘Advanced’ classes.

So today, Wednesday, January 17, 2007, I begin with Acknowledgement. Joanne shared an article by Cheryl Richardson that was about how we can acknowledge those around us even in small ways. Many people shared stories of ways they have acknowledged people in their lives. I felt very anxious to share how I acknowledged my husband about how he has given me wings and that I know that not everyone has a husband that allows their wife to soar the way mine has, but it was impossible to get a word in with so many people on the line and so many people who wanted to talk, I eventually gave up and muted my phone and decided to just listen.

I was encouraged to make acknowledgement a little more a part of my normal conversations in my personal life. Specifically, I was encouraged to continue acknowledging my clients. Words like: “I believe in you.” “Well done.” “I see you have these qualities…” “I’m so proud of you.” I was pleased with myself that I was able to say without any reservation that I have acknowledged in sessions.

One place I need to work on, as my coach has brought to my attention, is acknowledging myself for accomplishments…I often just move on to the next thing on my list and don’t take the time to acknowledge myself. Our fieldwork for this week is to think of one person that we would like to acknowledge and to do so and report back next week. I have not yet decided on whom that someone will be. I am trying to think of someone outside of my family. Let you know next week!

Game vs. Significance #2

2007-01-17T14:07:00.000-08:00

I took the second part of Game vs. Significance on Wednesday, January 17, 2007. There was a lot of good dialogue around what people did to make a game out of things that are significant for them. Many people had issues around money and what they could do to make it less significant. There was also someone who shared that he was trying to smile more and a woman who made a game around decorating her home with her husband and trying to keep it from becoming overly significant between the two of them. I was impressed with the different things that people came up with to try…very creative.

I haven’t been able to come up with a ‘game’ for something significant in my life, maybe because I don’t tend to take things too seriously and know that ultimately God is in control. However, I am very irritated with our puppy…how can I make a game out of dealing with him? I guess I’ll think on this.

We discussed ways to lighten: “Is getting significant about this situation going to improve it?” “Were I on my death bed would I be glad I was significant about…?” “What is the craziest way I could solve this problem, what solution would make me laugh out loud?”

I think, overall, I still don’t really care for this power tool…it seems a little peculiar. I am not sure where that comes from in me…maybe I just don’t know how to be creative in coming up with wacky games…maybe I don’t get significant so it is hard for me to see the value in this. I sort of feel like it is belittling others feelings, particularly clients, when we suggest they make a game out of something that they are serious about. I work with people who have had severe betrayal and wounds occur in their life and it seems a bit callous to suggest making it a game.

I realize that the concept is, ‘we don’t take away from the importance of the issue but rather help them to not let it take over their life’. But I still haven’t been able to embrace this power tool.

Selling Your Coaching

2007-01-16T15:28:00.001-08:00

Before this class began (Tuesday, January 16, 2007) I felt like it was identical to the Foundation Class on The Trial Session. I was actually taking the two classes back to back and found that much of the reading material and exercises were the same….I was curious to see what the difference was going to be.

One topic of discussion was, how do you get the client to sign up after the Trial Session? Some of the things that were discussed with this were, give homework so you have a reason to follow up, have brochure available to give them about what you do and don’t be too pushy. I felt these were all good suggestions, as well as, just asking if they want coaching.

Another way to get people signed up from a Trial Session is “Pre-selling” – they are there because they have a problem to solve, they know what coaching is and they believe that you can help them. Give people an experience of who we are. One way that was brought up was by having little seminars or teaching sessions on a particular issue so that people are familiar with you, your style and your values. In a sense our Couple’s Conferences are this. We don’t have the conferences to generate clientele but rather clientele is generated as a result of the conferences.

I liked that we focused not on being random about who we give a Trial Session to, rather giving Trial Sessions to those who need/want it from you. There needs to be an element of trust already established. One way this occurs is through referrals. Referrals give you credibility and a bit of established trust.

I found that the difference in the two courses was that the Foundation class was focused on getting the experience as a coach whereas this class (Selling Your Coaching) was more focused on strategies for setting up a Trial Session – back end of marketing instead of leading your marketing. Not making it the focus or the goal but rather a tool.

Selling Your Coaching

2007-01-16T15:28:00.000-08:00

The Trial Session Part 1

2007-01-16T15:27:00.000-08:00

The beginning of this course on Tuesday, January 16, 2007 was focused on what steps to take with a person who feels like they have so much to work on that they wouldn’t know where to start. Some things that came up were: “What is one thing that you would want to change?” “What would you try right now if you knew it could not fail?” “What do you want more of/less of?” “What would give you more peace?”

I have a bit of a different take on the Trial Session concept because I am not in the position where I just want to get clients in order to build a practice and have a career. I will only coach women that fall into my niche, women who have been sexual betrayed by their spouse. One advantage to doing a Trial Session for my niche would be for the benefit of the client; to see what coaching is, to meet me and see if they are comfortable with me and to help them see the advantages to coaching on this specific issue.

We talked about how the Trial Session is not only for the client but also for the coach. A Trial Session can be helpful for the coach to get an idea of whom they coach best, to build up confidence through practice and experience and develop a referral base.

My focus on the Trial Session as I develop it for the class Selling Your Coaching will be from the aspect of how a Trial Session can enhance what I’m trying to convey but not what I can get from it. I know that I will not be searching out people to have a Trial Session with just to have a Trial Session but rather I will offer a Trial Session for someone who wants to understand what it is.

Foundations to Coaching #1

2007-01-12T14:11:00.000-08:00

I wanted to take this course a few months ago when I first began at ICA. I was unable to find a class that worked with my schedule. In some courses I have heard a lot about not giving opinions and just asking questions and I was really hung up on that concept because it seemed so rigid and made me wonder how helpful I can be in that facet. I appreciated Merci saying, “Coaching is not that rigid. Coaching doesn’t have absolutes or definites.” It is more about finding out what the client wants from the relationship. I agree that the role of the coach is to help the client find the answers to their questions and to help them move forward to accomplish their goals, but it seems to me like the coaching role needs to be flexible…based on the clients needs.

Merci brought up our “story” and what role that can play in our coaching. I love this! Everything in my life and ministry is about “my story”. I believe strongly that what we have to offer personally plays a huge role in coaching. We discussed how sharing just a little bit about our own experience in a particular issue can help someone open up and also feel hopeful. They might look at us as the coach and feel like if we were able to work through a particular area then they can as well. People want to be coached by people who live extraordinary lives.

I was, however, challenged to be a little more question focused. I am going to spend some time working on my repertoire of “power questions”. Even though Merci said that coaching is more flexible and that it isn’t rigid to just asking questions she did emphasis that she uses a technique that allows people to experience coaching through questions only and that it is pretty fantastic.

Game vs. Significance #1

2007-01-10T13:07:00.000-08:00

Going into this class on Wednesday, January 10, 2007, I was frustrated about the material. The word significance to me makes me think about things that really matter to me. As we started to define Game and Significance I was surprised at the negative connotations that others put with the word significance. Significance was described as self-importance, no room to move, heavy and serious. Game, on the other hand, was defined as process oriented, a playful joyful state, creates a challenge, is receptive and open.

It was discussed that when we take life or a particular issue too seriously either people won’t want to be around us or we push people away because we are too focused on this ‘thing’. That when we are focused on being significant we are not authentic with others…we are too focused on the significance to let ourselves be real and vulnerable. I am able to think of people that are too significant but I don’t see myself that way. Maybe I am clueless about myself but I learned years ago that in life you have to have a perspective about things that “It is what it is.” Someone once said to my husband (who used to be very significant) “Will it matter in one hundred years.” We can’t control everything and we need to learn how to respond to things that ‘matter’ in such a way that we don’t become significant.

We were challenged to answer the question, “What is one thing that is significant in my life?” I think I have many things in my life that I take seriously or that really matter to me, but not so much that I lose perspective on it or that I am unable to see it for what it is. We were challenged to apply game in our life on this one thing that we are significant about. I will be spending this week trying to watch myself to see if I am being significant in some way that I have not been aware of.

As I think about my coaching clients who may be significant I think it will come back to helping them re-frame their perspective…”When life deals you lemons make lemonade.” “It’s a moment not a monument.” Etc… I feel the challenge this week for me will be self analysis to make sure that I am not significant…like I think I am.

Business Action Plan #1

2007-01-09T13:46:00.000-08:00

I took the first class on Tuesday, December 5, 2006. When I called in for this class I was feeling like it was no big deal. I have had a vision about how my business was going to work for some time. As I read the materials I felt like I could answer all the questions and had a plan for each area even though it wasn’t yet written down. Wake Up Call! I got on the teleclass and everyone was so stressed out and in a sense panicking. I began to panic as well. I finally calmed myself down and said, “Rebecca, you know where you are going and what you are doing, just relax.” My ‘plan’ was to work on the Business Action Plan over the winter break…I never looked at even once. I found I was avoiding it…feeling like it was a mountain to climb. I have recently taken it back out and started picking at some of the topics that don’t seem so overwhelming. I am hoping that when I take Part 2 of the course I will get re-inspired and focused.

Truth vs. Fraud

2007-01-09T13:36:00.001-08:00

I felt like this class was so basic when I began to read the homework. As I listened to others share in these classes I was amazed at what a struggle this is for many people. I took these two classes on Monday, November 27 & Monday, December 4, 2006. I have always been a person of strong conviction. Right is right and wrong is wrong. In evaluating my life I found that I don’t really withhold information either, especially from my husband. I do, however, withhold information from my children at times, usually because it isn’t something that is age appropriate.

As I thought about my coaching practice I realized that not all my clients are going to have the same conviction about truth that I have. Listening to other students helped me to realize that it is a lot easier for people to lie or withhold information than I thought it was. I think I will be more aware as I am listening to my clients and also not make the assumption that everything is exactly the way they say it is. I hope that I will be able build a relationship with my clients that they will feel safe in telling the truth even if it makes them “look bad” so that I will be able to help them. If I don’t know where they are failing I can’t help them be more successful.

Getting Started Part 2

2007-01-09T13:21:00.000-08:00

This class took place on Tuesday, January 9, 2007. Bill took sometime to overview what was discussed in the last class (before the winter break). I was confident at that time that I was well on my way. I had already formulated what my practice looked like, what I was going to charge and what my niche would be. I already had two clients and was moving forward quickly. Since that class I have put together a brochure and ordered business cards. So I still feel like I am “Getting Started” fairly well.

The focus of this second class was “What are the things that are holding us back?” I had actually discussed this a little bit with my husband already because I found myself feeling such huge disappointment when clients didn’t want to do the work. I probably thought at some level it was about my coaching – that I wasn’t able to motivate them toward their goals. I realize that this not true. I know that I can only help those who want help and I can only do what I can do, they have to do the real work.

A few points that Bill brought up for us to think about were: Income activities vs. busy activities…are things we are focusing on bringing income or are we spinning our wheels? What do I offer as a coach? I have also spent some time on this because I am working on my Business Action Plan and what I have to offer is a big part of that. I believe I have a story to offer. I coach women who have been sexually betrayed by their husbands and I want to share what I have learned to help other women not live with the lies and the traps that I lived in. And, fee negotiations – most of us tend to under value our strengths. I have changed my fee structure several times already. At first I did under value what I had to offer. My husband encouraged me in this area. Then I wanted to offer more of myself as part of a package. Now I find myself listening to the clients and finding a place that works for both of us. I have a set fee and I work from there…knowing that I have a valuable service to offer but also wanting to give help to those who want it.

It seems like it will all be a continual process and I don’t think that I will ever stop making changes and revising my Business Plan or my practice. Being in a service oriented field means making sure you are servicing the clients and that always changes.

Effective Feedback

2007-01-05T20:18:00.000-08:00

Wow! This course is a stumper for me. I totally get what effective feedback entails. I feel like I can give effective feedback based on the criteria in the notes: not personal, opportunity finding, fact based, objective, focused on the future, constructive and neutral. I am one that can be objective and fact based. It is easy for me to keep my emotions and opinions to myself in a coaching situation. The thing that still has me boggled is the part about asking to give feedback. I accept that it is a polite way to enter into feedback giving or a segway into giving feedback, however, in my perspective feedback is the crux of coaching in a lot of ways.

In the little coaching that I have done up to this point it seems to me that the client is continuously seeking feedback. They want to either affirm that the steps they are taking are appropriate or they want to know other things they can try. I’m trying to picture in my mind a coaching session without feedback and feel that I wouldn’t want to be paid if I wasn’t offering feedback. So for me, although I get the “effective” part, the part about asking to give feedback seems real foreign to me. I will continue to ponder this aspect to try to figure out what is missing in my understanding of this.

The other section of this course focused on role-playing. I like this technique and have been able to use it in its simplest form…conversation. I have had clients that fear a conversation and just talking out how the conversation could go, with different scenarios, is an effective tools to helping them feel more confident in going into those conversations. I will continue to use this tool at different levels in my coaching.

Perspective

2007-01-03T10:55:00.000-08:00

I loved this course! I took this course on Tuesday, November 14 and Tuesday, November 21, 2006. In recent years I have applied this concept to my own life but I just called it being content. For a long time I struggled with contentment and wanting to have what others had or to be what others were. When I discovered that it was an issue of contentment I was able to look at all I did have and the many blessing God had given me and find contentment where I was.

That is what perspective is all about. We can choose to stew in our misery and the things that life has dealt us or we can make the best of the situation and move forward, working through things one day at a time. Reframing is a great tool to changing ones perspective. The saying “When life deals you lemons, make lemonade” is so simple in concept but sometimes difficult to put into action.

In the second class one of the other students shared that she had lost her husband in the World Trade Center attack. While I listened to her talk about how life had given her a rotten deal and how she learned to take what she had gone through and reframe her perspective, I was inspired. I also was able to think about the women I coach. Many of the women I coach have husbands who want to participate in the process of healing, however, I occasionally have a woman whose husband does not want to stop his infidelity. I was encouraged about how to help these women to get to a place where they can accept this difficult place they are in as well as take steps to a healthier well-being. I will be coaching and living from a place of reframing perspective. It seems to me there is really no other way.

Getting Started

2007-01-02T14:32:00.000-08:00

Getting started does feel a little overwhelming. However, I did get a lot out of the first part of this class. I found the class to be very informative in nature. I took the first part of this class on Friday, November 10, 2006. Although I would have liked to complete this course before the winter break I was unable to find a Part 2 that fit into my schedule. One of the first things we talked about was Peer Coaching. I was unaware that I was supposed to have a coach for 12 sessions. I was relieved to have found this out early on. That day right after class I got on the Discussion Board and posted an ad for a coach. I only received one response but as it turned out it was a good match. I am in a place in my life where I have a lot of direction and focus. I am also very happy and content in my life. I have a happy marriage and great children, a good church and faithful friends. I don’t have to work for financial reason but want to coach to help others and share what I have learned. Sivona was up for the challenge of finding something to coach me on. As it has turned out she has been a sounding board for my existing client cases. I have been able to just to process my sessions with her and get a little insight from her.

We discussed SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, result oriented, time based) and the importance of writing down goals. I have to admit I still have not written down any of my goals other than the ones in my business action plan (a work in progress). I have a lot of elements that will be forming my practice and what my goals will be and I am waiting to see how some of these things work themselves out. However, I like the SMART goals model. I will definitely keep it close at hand as a tool to help my clients evaluate their goals as they set them. And, when I do write down my goals I will use these 5 points to help me set mine as well.

The last thing that we talked about was ways to market our coaching practice. This was easy for me to at least get started on. I already had a contract and client information sheet published. I had a plan for a brochure and that I sat down and published when we returned from Thanksgiving vacation. It outlines what coaching is, a little about me, and what I offer along with my rates. I also receive a lot of my clients through a couple’s conference that my husband and I host and teach. We are advertising that conference along with coaching to those in our field. The other element that I want to put into place is to get business cards. I have procrastinated on this a little bit but plan to have them for our next couple’s conference in March.

All in all I feel I received much insight as well as things to continue to work on. I am looking forward to the second class to see what else I should be working on.

Respect vs. Invalidation

2006-12-29T19:07:00.000-08:00

Respect vs. Invalidation

I took this power tool class on Thursday, November 9, 2006 and Thursday, November 16, 2006. In defining respect we found that it involved attitude. My thoughts about respect were always focused on others. This course gave me a chance to evaluate how I show respect for myself. As I did this I saw how far I have come from days long ago when I did not have much respect for myself. Respect is having a high regard for someone or self which in turn shapes our attitude toward that person or self. Invalidation is showing no value. I was convicted about the subtle ways in which I may invalidate people, especially my family. Words that may be a bit biting rather than encouraging, smirking or eye rolling when I may not even realize it. It made me more aware to pause before I made a judgment about something someone else may say or do. When I saw the title of this course I didn’t think it would be so focused on boundaries but it is clear that this is a way that we respect ourselves.

I also really liked the way that Standards and Boundaries were defined so simply in this class. Standards are for me and boundaries are for others. My whole coaching practice is based on helping others set and hold boundaries. I will definitely be able to use this simple way of defining the difference for my clients. I will also be able to help them see that respect for themselves has great value and is part of boundary setting. I will be able to help them see ways that they may invalidate loved ones. I see often how when resentment builds and anger boils under the surface and feelings are not dealt with in these relationships that my clients tend to invalidate. I don’t think I saw it as invalidating before but rather venting frustration or anger. I am trying to guide them towards dealing with their anger in a healthier way and to not invalidate their spouse but rather get in touch with what the real issue is.

A Little Behind the Game

2006-12-29T19:05:00.000-08:00

I am about half way through my peer coaching sessions and my coach let me on a little secret…I am supposed to be journaling about my classes in order to prepare for my self-assessment. I am glad to have found out about this sooner than she did as she is scrambling to get all her experience written down. I am going to try to ‘catch up’ over the next two weeks before I start taking classes again after the New Year.

One of the first classes I took was the Power Tools class - Responding vs. Reacting. I took the two courses on Monday, October 30, 2006 and Monday, November 6, 2006. I found this to be a great class to hurtle me into the coaching world. As we discussed responding vs. reacting I was encouraged by such a small revelation. When I started to evaluate my own life and look at whether I respond more or react more I was encouraged to realize that most often I responded responsibly to situations. I was also able to realize that I would much rather be a responder than a reactor. When looking at the character qualities that define responding and comparing them to character qualities of one who reacts from an emotion place it solidified my resolve to want to respond responsibility.

I was also encouraged as I used this basic tool in my coaching sessions. Even the simple use of the word RESPOND evoked a more responsible outlook and focus to the situation that was occurring. I will be able to use the concept of responding vs. reacting often in my coaching sessions as it can be directly related to perspective, but that will be a later entry. In general people want to develop good character qualities and when they evaluate the difference between responding and reacting they like the person they see when they look at responding responsibly rather than reacting out of emotion.